Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Thank you so much, friends. I think the reason I have been crying is due to sleep deprivation and being a female (read hormone stuff once a month.) Yesterday he checked on me, I was feeling very low and fragile. He was talking about how he was going to contact a lawyer when he got here on Wednesday and I told him I needed to hang up. (I could feel the knot in my throat and tears coming, I was grocery shopping after work) He didn't want to hang up and was rapidly saying he wasn't doing this to hurt me. I blurted out, "You are hurting me and this is the worst pain of my life. But I know you will do whatever you want to do no matter the costs." I then terminated the call.

After I finished my shopping I called him back like I promised and he was going on and on about how he needs to be free of me, he wants to escape the guilt and feels divorce is fair to him and me. I validated but told him not to presume how this is fair or good to me. I didn't argue just spoke in a flat, defeated tone because I had no energy to "act as if." Wh ended the convo saying he would not go to a lawyer when he got here and we would just see what happens. I told him fine and finished the call.

I'll be honest, I was pretty broken yesterday. Lots of crying and just feeling defeated. My WH's cousin called (she knows about WH's A and is solidly promarriage) She heard how blue I was and spent an hour cheer leading me and telling me to keep DBing. I felt better after the call and managed to get 9 hours of sleep last night. I feel better today and may just stay dim with WH to protect myself.