You will survive this

[roist]

The original intention of this thread may have been hijacked but it is an interesting conversation. I had some thoughts when reading through this and hereare some points I would like to add, in no particular order:

# someone who stood for their M but failed to save it have not necessarily failed. They could have been textbook dbers and not achieved this objective. There are many aspects beyond our control that influence the outcome. This is not making excuses for the lbs, but I wanted to say was that someone here who has stood but still divorced can have a wealth of knowledge and insight to share with others on how to save their M. Most vets here who didn't save their M give very pro saving M advice.
# someone who has stood and endured the immense mental turmoil that can inflict and eventually call it a day should not be judged. If we accept any kind of behavior yes maybe more would stay" married" but never be happy.That is giving up on life, which is worse IMO.
# of course the lbs can greatly influence the direction and possibly the outcome of these crisis. Many sabotage their own efforts by their actions and/or behavior. Sometime the lbs can only manage to put one foot in front of the other and cannot control the manner of doing so. Basically there are times where all we do us get through it the best we can.
# IMO reading all the stories here and how the lbs suffers does affect us. Yes we feel empathy and compassion. Yes it makes us feel good to know weare understood and not alone. BUT there is an undeniable negative influence too. We lose hope when day after day we read the struggles of others, and their despair. It does affect our outlook and optimism at times.
# many of those who have saved their M have expressed being lucky because X, Y or Z occurred in their spouse that influenced their return. The Open being a scumbag for example. Sometimes it is a circumstance that helped achieve the reconciliation.
# the lbs is not powerless and should not think so. Neither are we super heros that can do anything we need a non defeatist attitude but within realistic limits.
# it is hard to get past the resentment and hurt, but it is the best way to give us the best chance to save our M. No one wants to be with as resentful angry person. Respect, compassion, empathy and gratitude are much better allies in this battle and inlife.

Best wishes