New LBH with WAW/Possibly WW, help Part 2

[Georgia Bulldogs]

nutts I can tell you that you are not in the "Last Resort" stage. That's when you pretty much just agree to the D. So that advice doesn't apply. You have been smothering her so you need to back off a little. Think of the things that you're doing as calibration. You're going to swing back and forth from too much to too little. Right now she's mourning the OM and the last person she wants to be with is you. Just be friendly.

Now I recognize that you are newer to this material having only been here since 2008, but the "Last Resort" technique is NOT used "when you pretty much just agree to the D" as though it's months down the road for nuts.

your spouse told you it’s over, it doesn’t necessarily nail the marital coffin shut. There are still things you can do to revive your flat-lined relationship. One thing you should consider is The Last Resort Technique. The Last resort Technique is exactly what it says it is. You use it as a last resort. In theory, this technique is identical to doing a 180, but you put it to use when your situation is extreme. What do I mean by extreme? It’s imperative that you begin doing the last-resort technique immediately if:

Your spouse has said to you in no uncertain terms that s/he wants to get a divorce and it appears as if s/he really means it. It wasn’t just said in the heat of battle.
You and your spouse are separated physically.
You and your spouse still live together but have very little to do with each other. You may be sleeping in separate rooms, have virtually no communication, and little or no sexual contact.
Your spouse has filed for divorce

In Nutt's situation:
a. His wife remains adamant she wants a separation and then a divorce. Now that the affair is over and she's in withdrawal, her "hurry up and get out" drive is surely lacking but she hasn't recanted.
b. They still live together but don't have a lot to do with each other but that's changing slowly as she's no longer running around chasing moments with OM and finds herself alone, depressed and not minding Nutt hanging around as much (as long as he's not needy and begging).
c. They are sleeping in separate rooms
d. They are not having sex

You really don't get more "last resort" situational than a wayward wife sleeping in a separate room shopping for apartments and attorneys. She may never follow through but Nutt's best chance to save his marriage is to engage her strategically and delay her moving out as long as possible. If she moves out their marriage gets much harder to save. Separation is rarely a precursor to recovery and just makes eventually divorce much more likely.

So, in conclusion, he may have months or even years left to save his marriage but his best chance to do it is NOW before she moves out. It's his "last chance" to take advantage of his best shot. There is no OM right now, so she's alone and vulnerable to his confident and strategic attraction. She fell in love with him once and now he's even better, so she can fall in love with him again.