Title to be determined later .....

[Pax_luv]

Hi Amy,
I'm sorry you are hurting. I, too, got very similar sentiments from my stbxh dating all the back to BD and event present day. I now wholeheartedly believe it is part of the script. I know we all want to think our h's aren't/ weren't like every other "insert name/ stereotype here" but they are not. They are totally ordinary and sometimes even predictable!

Re: therapy. I also had a therapist, but not for anything marriage related. She too did not believe in MLC or sticking around after the marriage was declared dead by the other partner. She even told me marriage was "a crapshoot". So, I had to keep this in mind while working with her and simultaneously trying to figure out DB principles. I will say sticking to the pointers in DR helped me more than therapy because it was solution based. I didn't have to waste all my energy dealing with my childhood upbringing. Clearly, sometimes we need a third person to help uncover past hurts..... But it doesn't keep you moving forward in re: to intimate relationships and spouses. Just my opinion, though.

Yep, I too was a conflict avoider/enabler and allowed myself to essentially get controlled by h.... So much so that I slowly lost who I was and was hanging by a thread. Every action I made was to ensure I didn't make him mad. I was afraid to even buy groceries without his say! It was pathetic.... And I'm proud to say that is no longer the case! (Because of DBing)

So, why am I rambling about myself? Because I was exactly where you were not too long ago. The only only only thing that saved me was to take the focus off of h and put it towards myself. It's the only way, Amy. I know it's scary and it's hard, but we're all here for you.