I'm still here. I continue to be encouraged through your experiences and your wisdom. Seems like everyone has grown - emotionally and mentally. I'm hoping I've done the same and continue to do so.
I had been meaning to check in to let y'all know that I'm ok. Busy in a good way.
Updates:
1) Health - continuing chemo. All still looks good. Scans have been good. Numbers are good. The clinical trial I'm on is still working. In fact, everyone on this trial seems to be doing extremely well. PRAISE GOD!!!
2) Boys are growing. My oldest finished high school in June. He's working and still has the girlfriend. Trade school begins in the spring. My other three are doing ok. My second son started a public high school. Finds it easy and their father was mad that the school didnt have him listed as the other parent - ??? All the paperwork was completed but they were only using my email for the newsletter. XH is disengaged anyway. Third son is depressed emotionally though he's doing well academically - again his father is disengaged. My son says he feels invisible when he's with his father. :-( My youngest son is now the center of attention from his father (like third son was last school yr) because his grades weren't good. My youngest was to go to 4th grade but I placed him in 5th. He's struggling because of organizational skills. He's not turning in his work nor taking advantage of help from his teachers. I've contacted the school to tap into resources to help him but it hasn't happened yet. The school says all 5th graders struggle in the first and even second report card. So my son is "normal". But now his father has become super involved and saying we should switch schools. I'd like for my son to complete 5th grade here then if he's still not succeeding then switch him in 6th grade when everyone is new in middle school.Motive from XH is that he's "caring".??!!
3) EX-H continues to send ridiculously long text and I respond succinctly or not at all. I dont want to keep playing with this narcissist. (I've posted this before). Now he wants to meet with me to talk about our youngest son and about the fall out all the boys had with him two weeks ago. Same stuff. UGH! I don't want to meet with him cuz he never wants to meet with me alone. He always has his mew wife. Dont know whose idea that is.
4) Ex-H and his new wife just had their baby girl in Aug. My boys aren't excited. The step siblings have an aunt that babysits new wifes kids. She constantly tells my children to hug the baby, kiss the baby...aren't you excited about your new sister? My children don't like her much. They'd rather not.
5) The boys had a fall break and told their dad about it and it was in the school newsletter. Well, remember he wants to now call them everyday to see how their day went. They find this weird. So the first day of fall break, they reminded him they didn't go to school. He seemed shocked. Then he said, "I don't just want to talk about school, I want to see how you're doing. Even if you just tell me that you clipped your nails." The boys don't want to talk to him everyday. EXH isnt consistent in the attention he gives them. He seems like he's listening but he isnt. He always brings up the stepkids so my sons would rather not talk to him. They've said this repeatedly. They asked if they could just save the communication for the Fridays he gets to see them. And on their weekend with their dad. He got angry.
5) So on their Friday visit, he brought all this up again. My second son kept telling him that he offers them a choice to come on the visits but if they choose not to come - he gets mad. All my sons are trying to move on already. They know this situation is not what they wanted but it is what it is. But their father just keeps dragging it on. The new wife (NW) kept defending my EX saying that my children should be grateful their dad is alive and wanting to be involved with their lives since her kids lost their dad and dont have him around. She also tried to bring me up as the influencer. My sons tried to defend me and told her not to bring me up since I'm not there and it's not about me.
6) XH text me and said that the children need counseling and he will find a counselor for them because they seem to have so much hate in their hearts. He said he just wants them to be happy and that their mental health is more important than going to the movies, or tv, or sports. Note: I placed my children in counseling soon after he left and the counselor even met with all of them and him. She said that XH doesn't get it. He called her a lunatic. My sons had stopped going to counseling after a year because my children felt like things were improving. XH said that he pays me plenty of money (NOT) to get them help. He really wants a counselor to side with him. HE wants justification that everything he's done and does is ok and the boys need to get over it. UGH!
I did offer to meet with him this week. I said Tues afternoon 1-3p or Fri morning 9-12p. I asked him what would work for you. He hasnt responded yet. I just said "You and I" to mean just us not his wife or anyone else.
So that's my world right now..... A mess.
Miss y'all. I'm lif6ing prayers up right now for y'all, :-)
In His love
vge1
Romans 8:28
P.s. New wife called me one day to discuss why do my children have so much anger in their hearts, I continue to say to give them time. THey need healing. I encourage them to stay with their father. I told her if XH could just spend time with the boys (alone - my boys not hers too). She agreed. Then she disclosed that she wanted to tell me something that she needed closure on. ----- She had an affair with my husband when I was pregnant with my second son ----17 yrs ago. I didnt need to know this. I had no idea. I'm sure she feels better now. Hmmph! It doesnt feel good.
