My wife and I have had some M issues for a few years now as we have gotten less and less intimate. I knew it wasn't perfect but chalked it up to craziness of life kids, etc. I found evidence about a month ago that she is in therapy struggling with this man she is "madly in love with" through text messages with a friend. I did more digging and found text messages with a coworker of 15 years (also married) as she professes her love to him and seems to be begging him to get back together, and can't understand why he doesn't want her anymore. His responses seem cold and short. Within her texts to a friend she even claimed "I gave him a choice it was all or nothing - he chose nothing." My takeaway has to be they were having an affair and she was set to leave me for him but he didn't bite. Right?
Needless to say I am REELING. We have openly talked about the OM for years as he was a mentor to her and - I thought - a friend. He is 12 years older so I never thought she would find him attractive.
I have read a lot and know she is addicted to the A. I have a child with special needs so i want to try and save the marriage if possible, but am coming to grips with it may not be possible. My question is with this type of evidence that doesn't CLEARLY prove the other man reciprocated, should I confront her? Or should I not reveal what I know and implement other tactics? (180?) i have started some disassociation tactics and have seen her definitely seen a change in behavior as I can tell she. Prices a change in my behavior and might be in to her. She is all Of a sudden trying to be more involved with the kids (who she was ignoring), "overexplain" plans she has, and been a bit more engaged with me - I see this as trying to get me off her scent. She really made an effort this weekend to have a good time with me and friends and I feel I caved back to being a good H vs being a "better man".
Please help as I am struggling with what to do when here.
