Budding

[Maybell]

Mustardseed: I see a lot of places here where you are giving credibility to your ex. He should have appreciated your responsibility for the family resources but he resented it. He didn't share goals with you.

It was abusive of him to tell you that you don't have as many friends as you think you have. It was an attempt to isolate you so you couldn't hear contrary opinions to his. I know this because I lived it with my college boyfriend. I would challenge you to put everything he said (especially when you were fighting) into the manipulative gaslighting category and find out for yourself who your actual friends are.

In my sitch, Mr. Fantastic and I had a couple who were our friends -- they came cross country for my 40th birthday and in fact planned most of the events -- but they were his first. He abandoned them when we split up and they looked like they were loyal to me. But how it worked out was, they're in a place in their life where they want the couple friends, and no drama, and their friendship has fallen off. They aren't siding with him at all, but it isn't sustainable because the way our friendship was structured couldn't survive the death of our marriage.

That is to say, don't try to anticipate whose side anybody is going to be on. If there is someone you care about, give the friendship the opportunity to survive. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. You sound sane and caring. That will show in the people you're willing and able to be vulnerable with. It doesn't have to be a contest. Just be your own self and the quality people will gravitate towards you.

I do want to repeat, though: Break free of your ex's opinions. Fire him from your mental committee -- he doesn't belong there. He didn't say anything that was constructive to you. When you are with people who make you better life will become smoother and easier.

Finally, as a financial professional, I'd really like to encourage you to make saving, even a minimal amount, one of your budget line items, and not something you aim to create out of leftovers. INTENTION makes all things possible. You can move mountains with it.

I'm so impressed with how far you've come since I first met you. Congratulations on that! Keep moving forward, you've clearly got what you need to make an amazing life.