The sun will rise for a new day

[SH_]

Again Ghost, you do not reply to questions about your visits with your IC...
I am starting to wonder if you are ignoring on purpose...
or if you are not seeing an IC that can really help you...

Do share some of what she is working to help you with.
It is time that you focus on the things you are working towards...not running from.
What you focus on becomes the realities ...
There is a saying that one needs to focus on the solutions, not the problems...
Do you know why?

perhaps it is just my mindset perhaps not

Ghost, IT is your mindset...of that there is little doubt, after all that you have shared for the past year and a half...

Everything, for everyone is a mindset...

Your mindset is the engine that is not working right now, and you, only you have the tools and know how to get it going again.

How to stop myself feeling bitter,

How?
You make a decision to stop.
You focus on that which you can control.
You choose to make different decisions.
You learn meditation to stable your mind.
You seek help.
You take action.
You speak with a trained professional therapist/pshyciatrist that is trained in CBT among other things that can help you.
You be honest with the trained professional...
You stop hiding and bemoaning it all...

You discontinue writing the same things over and over again without making the needed efforts and seeking the assistance that you need.

Ghost,

There really is nothing that I have left to offer you except for my prayers...
The ball is in your court, and will continue to be so until you...you alone... you decide to...and then take action...

The tire is a little low on air, but still serviceable,
The engine will not work until you pay attention to it and do what you know how to do...
The bad things that you want to avoid continue to come towards you, and your only chance to stay ahead of it is by doing something...

Tick Tock Tick Tock...

Good luck my friend.
Send out a call for me one you have made a decision and taken action to move forward.

You are in my prayers.

“Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the Law of his being.” James Allen

[Fogg]

Ghost, it pains me to see you still stuck in the same cycles as you were before. It must be hell and I cant imagine how you are able to stay in that place. I know in house separation makes it very difficult to do what you need to do but you need to do something.

You have to decide, decide to move forward and live your life. You can give yourself permission to give up on saving your M.

[ATPeace]

SH

I have seen 4 different theripists

I have one that is trying to explain me to come to terms with the end of my marriage I still see her

I have just started with a new one who seems to be much more focused in me as a person what happened to me as a child and when growing up they are talking with me about my insecurities and my low self esteem and trying to suggest ways that I can help myself to deal with my past

I am scared to be alone and the fear of starting again without my W is what keeps me stuck

I would love to be able to work out my differences with my W but I realise this is not something she wants to do and I accept this

I am not very good at relationships I have had just the one and the more I think about it the more I feel it was not even a good one

I do not know what I want

I want to be happy and feel loved and supported

I do not know what I want or need from here

My wife has left me behind she has grown and changed and I have to let her go ...she's not coming back my hope is gone I do not know if I am strong enough to pick my self up from this

I will post from time to time and when I find what I need I will ask for advice

Sandi Sh and everyone who has tried to help me over the time that I have been here I love you all

Thank you

Ghost

[ATPeace]

I do not want to loose this community it has helped me in my darkest times

I will,continue to work on me love myself,and love my children and from a distance I will always hold love for my W

I will switch the focus and continue to read and learn

[Ginger1]

You and your sitch had reminded me very much of another poster that was here a while ago. I couldn't remember his name. Then he came back today to give a great update. I HIGHLY suggest you read his sitch.

LuckyLuke

[ATPeace]

Yes indeeed. I have been a follower of Fogg for some time and he has supported me many times

I can give myself permission to give up I just fight this

I am doing more just me and the kids
I am not getting so emotional at my situation

I will,continue to read other people's threads and find a way to help myself

Thank you

[Ginger1]

Read LuckyLuke's threads. They almost mimic yours.

And he has come back to tell us after sometimes he is doing well. He even has a GF! But he was right where you were. Stuck.

Not anymore.

[roist]

You are retreating again!! Face this with us.

You absolutely need to let go of your old R/M. No question about that. It is finished. Your W is done. You have accepted this at least you have posted that you realise this and accept it. Yet you haven't. We have told you. She has told you.EEven you have told you.

The only way to attract her back is to become attractive. Work towards that.

If living together prevents you from improving yourself., then you may have to choose not living together. That is just a step for you. Not an end to a M that has already ended.it could even be the first step to a new beginning.

Buy no one is telling you walk out on W and don't look back. Though Txhubby and others could vouch for the merits of that to save your M. Others will testify it will save you.

I say it is possible to do a lot more work on you without separating houses.


You are blocking you. Start living again

Best wishes

[Ginger1]

Honestly, Ghost, I wish your wife would just leave the house. Seriously. She threatends with it, you live in fear, she lives the way she does now because it works for her, but it is destroying you and holding you back. I wish she would just do it, since you won't. Then you would overcome your fear, you would realize what you have been dreading so horribly for so long is actual a blessing for the way you have been a prisoner of yourself. I have no doubt you would thrive in separate homes. But here you are stuck in the same place of fear for ever.

[sandi2]

I do not want to loose this community it has helped me in my darkest times

I am not upset. Nobody said you would lose this community. You need support. I am trying to find out how we can support you. That is why I asked what you want from us.

I am really glad to hear you are seeing the therapist who is digging into your childhood. I hope you will see that therapist as often as you possibly can. Telling us just this much gives me a sense of hope for you. It tells us you are doing "something" to get help for yourself. Maybe I forgot, but I don't remember you telling us about a therapist talking about your past and how it affects you now. You've had several to ask if you were seeing a therapist about yourself, instead of just the MR. Do you see what I mean, Ghost? It would have helped us if you had just gave us that little bit. So, now we know.

Maybe you can try to answer some other questions. How about trying to respond to things SH is saying, and don't repeat that same old post about what your W wants/don't want and what you should/should not do. Okay? Am I making any sense?