Cat, I agree with you and I told my h just a few weeks ago exactly the same thing. I told him that it's my fault that he was not helping more with kids and household.
I'm very happy you found the balance in your new relationship. Saying what I said above, I still believe that partly it also depends on the personality of the spouse. My h would always find (and still does) good reasons why he could not do something. And as I said before, there were things that did not get done for several months sometimes years. But I could have insisted more on at least those most important ones. Well, I cannot really change the past. But I definitely learnt from it.
It's good that your X realised all that. My h still does not. He still gets upset when he expects me to do something and I tell him that it's for him now. He thinks I do it out of spite (his words). At first I kept explaining it was not true, now I just smile and don't comment. He sometimes tries to manipulate me into doing it but it does not work with me anymore.
Kyh, I wish I could tell you that she does notice and maybe on good days she does but what do we know? And if they do notice, how do they feel about it, do they care? I guess we will never get answers to those questions...
