Onwards

[Brubeck]

Mia, I am just starting up on your sitch and I am having the same problem about hanging on to feelings / ideas / situations that I should let go of. Sometimes I can do it, other times the anger / sadness hits me hard.

yes I do feel like I'm stuck and I do want to stop it honestly. I feel I do make steps forward then something happens and I allow myself to come crashing back down then I vent on here.

I do take steps I promise but even h used to say I wa like a terrier and couldn't let things go lol.....I guess I am proving him right with that aspect of my personality..... I've picked myself up from many bad things and even I don't understand what it is in me that can't let this go.

You're speaking for both of us here!

I am trying to figure this out for myself. Maybe it seems naive to say so, but to have your spouse bring this bomb out of nowhere into the middle of your M is so unfair. We're told repeatedly, it's not about you, it's about them. It's their problem, they are tangled up in themselves in a holy mess. Yet, I still feel like - she did this to me, she knew what she was doing was wrong and went about it anyway.

Getting hit by a car or getting a major illness is also unfair, but it might feel or seem more random because it happens all the time. When this type of adversity is coming from our spouse that we've spent so many years with, it feels so specific...at least for me. My W has been in MLC for only 9 months, and I'm still having trouble turning her off.

Do you still look at your H like the same person? Despite all the wacky stuff, are you still hard wired to take him at face value more often than not? Are you extra careful to see what signs you get from him? It's hard to shake, isn't it? It's one thing DB vets keep saying to stop doing. I'm still doing this sometimes.