Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

Eric - thanks for your continued input.

Of course I am scared and angry! I am TERRIFIED and ENRAGED. This sitch has brought out feelings in volumes I've never experienced before. I've also felt confused, vulnerable, betrayed and grateful like I never imagined. I can oscillate between anger and fear in the same minute. I am trying to get a grip. Most times I'm OK, sometimes I'm not. I come here to vent to find focus because I don't want to act on the extreme emotions. Part of my fear is fear of doing something stupid in reaction to her behavior or getting overwhelmed by the sitch itself.

2Lady - "The Battle I Didn't Choose" is actually a quote I stole from another thread here, a "Welcome Newbie" type of post. It just described the sitch the way I wanted it to. I would obviously not look at my sitch the same if my W or children were dealing with illness. I don't want to walk away from this. Many people have commended me for hanging in there as long as I have (including the D lawyer I saw 2 weeks ago). I want to outlast her MLC to whatever outcome there is on the other side.

I am not trying to treat my W as an enemy, as just saying good morning to her angers her some days. I am avoiding her as much as I can (I will talk whenever she wants to talk). She is treating me like the enemy. I am not trying to match her behavior point-for-point, I am just letting her lead. I am certainly grinding my teeth a bit that I am having my identity changed against my will. My anger towards this probably comes out in these posts.

I've only challenged her about her ignoring our budget and about swearing in front of the children. She ignored me on both issues. I went to the mat with her about leaving them in the house alone when she decides to go somewhere at a moment's notice (my oldest is only 8).

She comes and goes as she wants, which is a lot. She continues to re-decorate the house and throws most of my stuff into the attic. She spends entire evenings hiding in the backyard/attic/basement talking on the phone. I don't interrupt her or stand in her way.

You're right - I don't know if I'm trying to win her back or win the sitch itself. My W is now a person that despises me. She treats me in such a way that all I can do is try to be polite. I'm all for PMA - but it's hard to sing when you're being spit at. She's always looking for an angle to start an argument. Some days I am not trying to win her back because I don't know what to do.

Last night she told OM she's going to start paperwork this week on filing for a separation. He tried to talk her out of it and that pissed her off. W and I live under the same roof and I pay 90% of the bills. Whatever a separation is going to do for her is a mystery.

Thanks for the attention and for listening.