You can stand for your marriage, but at this time, you need to let her go. You can't control her, but you can control the way you are reacting to her comments and behavior.
I'm not surprised that she took what the MC told you about "control" and turned it around to her way of thinking. They do that. They hear what they want to hear when they are depressed and in crisis. That's why it's important to step back and allow them to figure things out for themselves. You didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her. No matter how hard you try to reason w/her, it's not going to get thru to her right now. She's operating on pure emotions and when someone is emotional and in pain, they are going to shut out those who speak in a rational tone. That's why it's important to allow her to make her own mistakes and learn to face the consequences of her actions.
You can fight for your marriage, but you need to do it from afar. We all contribute to the downfalls of our relationships. It's 50/50...what have you done to work on yourself? The more you work on yourself and are happy w/the person you are, the more she will see and/or sense the person you were/are that she fell in love with. Any changes that you make, have to become permanent and you must be happy w/them. What are you doing w/your free time? Do you have hobbies or projects that you need to complete or start? If so, start doing them. It will help take your mind off of what she's doing and/or not doing.
Right now, you are the "authority" figure in her life and she's rebelling againt you and everything you stand for. You can't convince her otherwise. That's why it's important to give her space. The more you try to reason w/her, the longer her crisis will be because she's not focusing on what she needs to do to get thru it.
You have to understand that she is going to do whatever it takes to soothe the emotional/internal pain that she is in. You can't see the wounds/bruises, but they are there. Dig deeper for patience and compassion. You have absolutely no idea what she's feeling inside and you do not want to walk a mile in her shoes right now. Again, give her space.
She may appear to be following in her mother's footsteps, but you can't compare her to others because she is unique in her own way. Trust in yourself, have faith in yourself and in God. He is the only one that can heal her. Leave the MLC bus driving to God.
