Found out about W affair, she does not know I know

[Steady9]

Been married for 15 years. No infidelity to my knowledge. W parents still married. We have two kids 12 and 14. We have had a non drama relationship for the 15 years.

This past year I was too precupied with the job and not present at home - routinely my mind was somewhere else. I did not understand at the time but know now.

In June my wife spent 3 weeks at her parents with our two kids - since we live far away she has done this a couple of times over the past 4 years. While she was there she did not communicate much and I got the feeling she was maybe doing something- the tone in her texts I guess. When she retuned-- she said she was resentful to me that I did o it let her stay longer .... and then later said she was not sure if she pictures a future with me . This was all new and caught me off guard. She said she was lonely. Also my D said she complained to her family that I was not emotional....a lot...

Ok so for the next couple of months I was more present and helped out more. I also said my W could go back again soon. So she did 3 months later.

I was unable to get her on the phone several times... so put two and two together.

We live across the country from the W parents.

I was able to learn last week that she is skype -ing with this guy. It is a guy from her home town. She evidently has been chatting with him for a year and started have JV sex on the June trip and the recent trip was mostly to see him I think. Also she spent much time with her family.

She does not know that I know. Her phone records email and credit cards are clean. Just the Skype it appears.

Ok. So I just learned this one week ago. The first week she came back, the previous week we had sex 3 times. I know now that does not mean anything.

This week I changed my behavior toward the 180..... immediately.

On Saturday I turned down sex and asked her to cancel an order to the house. I have never done this. She sent me a text a few minutes later saying that I must be thinking about a divorce or something......

This was just to find out if I knew about the affair I think.

I did not respond to the text and came home an hour later. We talked about the past few days and I said that I am letting her go and she can make her own choices. --- Note. This is completely out of the blue for us. We have never talked like this. And now we are.

The next day she was unable to cancel the order so it is coming. And she cried and apologized. We talked about the relationship. She does want it to end. She asked for patience. She said she has been selfish. She wants to live here ......

Ok meanwhile recognize that the only reason I understand that this is going on is because I know about the affair. If I did not know. I would have thought my W had gone crazy in3 days.

ok so I know this is not so far down the road as what I have read here. No one has asked for a divorce. But the I love yous are missing she is not wearing her wearing band etc. so trying to head it off early if I can. For the past few months I was just doing what dumb H do. Being more helpful. This past week trying to do the 180 and it got her attention right away.

I assume she is a liar now and everything is smoke and mirrors.

I assume I have time since there are no plans for her to revisit her hometown. Today she said she wants to stay here and get her parents to visit more......

I feel the only way I will know is by monitoring skype calls .....

Reading this website I have fear and knowledge that this could get much worse.... and I am hopeful that she will not see this guy again. Hoping I will never find out.... but maybe I am foolish on this one.

Believing nothing they say is hard. When my W used the word selfish several times I felt she was showing remorse. -- again she is saying these things and I do not know about the A


Comments welcome.