Hanging on and hoping for the best

[BillyHo]

So I've been lurking for quite a while but decided it's time to jump in with both feet. My wife and I will be married for 18yrs tomorrow,together 22. We have 3 boys 10, 7 and 4. The second week in June I found that she had been private messaging a bf from 9th grade every day for 2 weeks. I confronted her and she said they were just friends but she would go NC with him. 4th of July weekend we are on family vacation and after having sex she falls asleep and gets a notification on her phone that she has a message from OM. I flipped out and later got the ILYBNILWY.

We returned home and she agreed to meet with me our pastor and his wife. She then met with a Christian counselor and decided MC would be no good until she can work on herself. In the month or so to follow I did the pleading, crying and OR talk about once a week. In mid August I decided to just give her her space. I did well and avoided all R talk and tried hard to GAL. The whole time I have worried about the EA but I have decided that I can only control what I do.

A few weeks ago she said she is still confused but decided we needed to meet with someone together. She said she still wasn't ready to do MC because she's not sure if she wants to be married or not. Her counselor told her about discernment counseling. So on Wednesday we had our first session. It went well and the counselor seemed more than willing to call each of us on the carpet when she felt it was necessary. This counseling has 3 options after the 5 sessions or so. 1.divorce/separation 2.stay the same. 3.6 months 100%invested MC.

We talked a little together and she downplayed the whole EA part which made me believe she hadn't told her counselor about before(this is her IC for 3 months) When it was my turn I made sure she knew it was more than W let on. The C then talked to W alone for 45min. then invited me back in. My W then told me that she hasn't felt that she has had any space because I had been talking to friends and family. I then talk solo and the C said in no uncertain terms that my W had not taken the 6 months of MC off the table but she needed to feel safe that I wouldn't talk to anyone other than my pastor. I agreed and also told the C about my concerns about the EA being over and not having any closure on it. She said to tell W that I would only talk to pastor but for me to feel safe enough to do MC I needed transparency and to know there is no 3rd party involved. It ended there and we go back this Wednesday.

At the end the C gave me homework without my W knowing what it was. It was DR 😂😂 I told her I was already half way through the book. I have decided to do LRT since we hardly talk and she has been in spare room for the last month . Been doing well GAL. Working out (down to 10% bf). Going out with friends, and being with my Ss. I have started doing a lot around the house as kind of a 180 because toward the beginning she seemed to notice that. Otherwise I try to journal everyday and observe how my 180s are causing any changes.

She has been keeping herself busy non stop with her gfs. She only works 2 times a week and during school only has our 4 yr old. Trying hard to detach but the the coldness and indifference gets to me once in a while. Any advice and support is appreciated.