So, you touched the hot stove today and did a temp check by texting your h again. Now that you have burned your fingers just a wee bit, step back and just plain out leave him alone. He doesn't hate you because the only person he truly hates at the moment is himself. Sure, he may act like he hates you, but he has to build up this so called hatred in order to do what he needs to do to heal. Listen, he's not happy w/anything really. He's not happy the sky is blue, the people he works w/are nice or a person is making a left turn in front of him. He just plain not happy about anything right now. So, while he's baking up in the oven, you continue on your own journey.
Your old marriage is dead and you need to grieve that loss, but you can also leave to find the joy in living your life to the fullest. Each morning, get up and think of something pleasant and at the end of the day, reflect back on what you've accomplished and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at all that you accomplished. You have to have faith in yourself, God and in the system. If you continue to snatch the wheel from God, he can't drive the bus and keep a watchful eye on all those who are riding the bus. Step back, let it in God's hands.
Where is your rubber band? Get it on that wrist and snap it when you are tempted to contact him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
