Originally Posted By: Coly23
someone said that if after two months there is no contact then the marriage is considered dead.
Coly23 - It depends on in what direction but I've certainly gone more than 2 months without hearing any responses from W. Even though lately more and more I've been feeling like giving up on my end I still don't think that my chances are dead. Yes - my old MR is certainly dead but I "know" that W is still attached to me and that helps me keep standing.

I forget which of the vets it was that wrote this - I think it was Cadet - it's only over when YOU decide it's over.

I have little signposts that I use to give myself hope that don't involve actively engaging W. Some of the ones I have are
- W watching my Snapchats. She stopped after the last bit of pursuit but may pop her head back out to watch me some more if I go quiet again.
- Her Facebook marital status
- How quiet she's keeping the A and our separation
- Contact and reaching out to our children and some of my relatives on Facebook
- No contact from her L
- Her regular review of our bookkeeping (cloud based - has a last accessed)
- Her being online as per Messenger when she could be with OM
- No abuse of our finances
- The "I am hurting and confused" posts I saw her make after the last pursuit.

I know that none of these are very substantial and may not be relevant or real nor do they point at her wanting to come back but they are my crumbs. Do you have anything you can use for yourself? I take these crumbs and put them in a box and look at them when I feel like she's gone and never coming back.

I think of W as a scared squirrel in a maze of tunnels. I may be wrong but I believe her to be very confused right now about what it is that she really wants and how to get there. If I bang on the tunnel like I did or poke my head in she runs away. You and I both need to focus on doing our thing and being quiet and a safe place for our spouses so that as they pop their heads out they can see that it may be safe for them to come all the way out and back into our arms.

I know that I've gotten into trouble for this from a number of the vets but I've made an effort to be sure that my W knows that she is welcome to come home and that forgiveness can be found. One of my big worries had been that she may feel that she's made such a mess here that it would be impossible for her to come back. Do you think that you H feels that or is he too lost in the fog right now? Just like you I fretted about "how could she possibly know if I don't tell her" - but vets like job have assured me that she does indeed know.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells