Hello friends! I am enjoying a very rainy weekend and wanted to check in. I went on a 2 mile walk in the rain this morning, came home soaked, and enjoyed it immensely!
Life is good. Work stays busy and fun. It's interesting how you can find this terrible experience helpful to others. My co-worker continues to struggle with his wife and 1 year old son, he shares his struggles and comes to me often for advice, knowing my own struggles. I continue to remind him, marriage is not all rainbows and unicorns, nor is life. It's full of seasons and up to you to weather the storm. If you can, hunker down, deal with the storm and focus on the sunny weather to come.
As for my own season in life? I am a woman, who has been separated from her husband for 3 years now, but finally living life my way. We continue to grow closer in our friendship. He comes over often for dinner, especially on his free weekends. I love cooking, he enjoys the meals. It's very obvious he enjoys spending time at home. It's also clear it's not just about S, there is no doubt he enjoys spending time with me. We talk and talk and lots of laughing.
It's so weird....yet....so right. Neither of us can cut each other out, yet not wanting R, so here we are.
Funny story....last Sunday night H was over and we had all eaten and settled down. I was sprawled out on couch watching tv, H was sprawled out on other side of couch playing with his computer. S was at the dining table on his computer. We were all quiet and in our own worlds, when S got up and peeked around the corner, to see what H and I were doing and why so quiet. He looked.....confused yet happy. He smiled big and went back to his game. I realised, here we are just like old times, total flashback to our life 3 years ago! Relaxed, content and peaceful. It's amazing to think we could be this way after everything.
As for me personally, my feelings towards H remain loving, but only as a really good friend. I have feelings in waves. I sometimes think, why doesn't he just come home? Then I sometimes think, thank goodness I don't live with that man! I continue to process my own feelings within. In the meantime, I am just being me, doing my own thing, true to myself, do things that feel right, and no to things that don't feel right. It's all I can do right now.
I am also still open to someone new in my life. If I was to meet someone who I connected with, I would explore it. I know that would throw my life with H completely out of whack, same if he met someone, but I am just being honest with myself. This works because neither of us have a special someone. But I will deal with that if and/or when that happens.
As for H, he continues to be a mini tornado. He is disruptive and distracting when here, and it's a relief when he quiets down, like a child! But I deal with patience and unconditional love. He just wants to play with me all the time, but if I am in the middle of something, he has to wait. I have been noticing things at his man compound running down and not being replaced, like his pop up cover for his truck. It ripped from the wind in less than a year, and it blows me away that his beloved truck sits out in the elements instead of a garage. He constantly complains about the weeds and house, but I stay quiet. Honestly guys.....my instincts tell me he is getting over having his place, and not so fond of all the alone time....but living with his choices. It shows in all his contact and coming over. Hopefully he is working through some things there.
I got 3 quotes for countertops, so we are down to choosing which place to use. H is fully on board and equally excited about it. We are all going to a wedding in a couple of weeks, and H let me know we were both invited to a birthday party coming up.....again....it's like we are living our married life, but in different homes. The only part of that I struggle with is S having to go back and forth. He continues to complain that he just wants to be home....it's tough and so unfair that the children have to pay a price.
I heard recently that judges are starting to order the children to stay in the home full time, and the parents have to do the back and forth from a 2nd home. Brilliant!! It would be a great motivation to work through things instead of running! I am all for it!
Well, thats a catch up in my world. Sorry so long and thanks for reading through it. I try to keep up with some of you, but find the days going by faster and faster. I wish you all love, patience and peace
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
