This used to be way easier - and a lot more fun!

[DonH]

Ginger I confess I don't know what spotted dick even is. Spotted Cow, however, is rather good beer brewed about 100 miles from my house. Does that count?

So, let's see if I can put words to a few things here.

1. I too have sort of gravitated to longer distance Rs post D. For me, I'm pretty sure it was because I didn't want a full on R and dating someone an hour, two or three away kept that from happening. It was my safety zone. the thing is, while 3 hours is very manageable, 10 is much harder. When we first met a year ago, she didn't want to try for anything more than "pen pals," in her words. Then, we had a great first date, she texted the next day and said how she can't wait to do it again. Then she pulled back. Being the good DBr I am, I didn't pursue and low and behold she came back around. That said, she is still more concerned about the distance than I am. I also think that marrying her college sweetheart, being together for 25 years and him dying of cancer also has her cautious about things. She has not dated much since his death four years ago. I would be totally fine with doing vacations, phone, perhaps getting together once a month, but sense she is not - at least not so far. It's hard to even figure as we've known each other for a year but we really only have gone out a few times. It's like a long distance friendship so far. As for me moving there. I'd say there is less than a 5% chance of that. Her state is so off my path. I've only been there once. My life is here. My career is here. My family is here. I just don't see ever moving there. I think she might move here or at least to Chicago which would be 90 minutes away. That's so in the future though and I don't think much about it.

2. While I've done and am fine with longer distance Rs, I swear that's all I seem to find lately. It started with V a year ago. Then I see this interesting lady in a photo with good friends of mine. I ask about her, my friend says "she'd be perfect for you" but then adds she recently moved about 15 hours away (by car). So getting farther away. She flies back "home" about once a month to see her dad and we've gone out but we are not a match. So then a few weeks ago I'm doing a gig with a band and notice this pretty, bubbly lady with a smile on her face watching me. She's clearly by herself. On break I make myself available and she walks right up to me for a conversation - during which she tells me she's about to return to her home in Florida!!! WTF? They keep getting farther away! How is it I seem to almost attract (or be attracted to) women who live so far away?

3. Ginger, once again you and I appear to be on the same page with meeting sooner than later with the online thing. I can't at all tell if I'll connect with someone until meeting in person. I much prefer meeting soon as I can tell very quickly if there is any chance. Some people are good with that, others not so much. Some online seem to draw it out and never want to meet. Honestly, that's what is a plus about eHarmony - the people are serious. I swear, so many on Match and the others don't know what they want themselves.

4. And Doodler, so I dodged the bullet skinning dipping with you but what happened to your date? Wasn't that supposed to have been this past Friday? So put your money where your mouth is dude, did you go? Fill us in.

As for me, I've someone taken the advice given here and just backed off it all for a while. Part of that is because I've gotten very busy with work and band gigs. I would explore things with V in a heartbeat. Of everyone I've met in recent years she clearly is at the top of this list. For whatever reason, we just can't get things going. We both seem to want to but life gets in the way and I can't help but feel the distance is making it all that much harder. I totally believe if I said "Hey do you want to go out next weekend?" the answer would be yes. I just can't do a 20 hour round trip for a date. I will keep trying, however.