In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck

[Huddy]

This is just something to read if you're a newbie and looking for some advice. Never, ever make your children part of the situation. Never make them choose; never play one of you off the other. Why am I saying this?

Last night, I got a spew text. It was about, as predicted, about the medicine that we give to our S to help control his autism. It was a 'telling off' text, telling me how and when I should give him his medicine, whilst he is in my home. I decided that I didn't want, or need, to reply to that, and let it ride.

I could have got in to a whole 'text tennis' conversation about this, but in the end, it's about the healthcare of my S, not any problem between W and me. I think, and this has been backed up by my S's specialist, that my S is actually acting out and letting us know how unhappy he is with the situation. My S only started getting edgy when W came for him; he'd ben fine all morning/early afternoon. I could have reiterated that, but I chose not to. What would it actually achieved, if I'd have bit? Would it have eased my S's unhappiness? No. Would it have given W some control over the situation? Probably.

Children will be able to pick up vibes and will be analysing situations, without your knowledge. My S can't really communicate, but my D and SD can and my D, especially, can ask difficult and pointed questions.

Whatever you do, treat your MLC'er with nothing but courtesy whilst the kids are in your presence and never bad mouth them. Your kids didn't chose any of this, so don't bring them in to it. I've never said anything nasty about W to them and have always made my kids know how much they are loved by both of us.

My W is now off to her parents for a week. I've texted my SD to let me know if she needs any help whilst W is away. Despite being 21, she's quite a nieve one, so it was nice to get a text back saying 'Thank you Dad XXX'. I offered her to come over and stay with me whilst W was away, but she's has decided to stay at W's house and bring her boyfriend around! Anyway, I'm there for her, and always will be.