Amy, I'm so sorry you are hurting. You are still very new to this stuff and yes, what he's telling you about himself is crisis lingo.
I may be wrong, but I think you might be trying too hard. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it. You are grieving and that takes time. Try to remember that the tighter you hold the rope, the more he's going to tug and yank from the other side.
Take it one day at a time, no more than that. As you walk the path, it will become a bit easier. Are you in a support group of any kind? They may be a good avenue to look into. You need someone physically in your area to sit down and chat w/you.
I wish that I could give you a hug. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
