I will almost certainly sit at home safe, but if I were to put myself in harm's way it would definitely be for reasons far bigger than ourselves. And he would understand why I would do that, because we both did it before and supported and even encouraged eachother in that. That's why there could always be that question in his mind as to what I am up to. I'm not trying to get a reaction as I don't actually want one nor do I expect one. I just want him to think.
Unlike a lot of MLCers, he's doing this for a clear reason. Taking another wife was but one of several options we had to solve a problem that WE BOTH faced, but he felt the other options would simply not offer as much a guarantee as another wife. The reason he felt the other options wouldn't work actually had to do with problems he has in his relationships with others, not me. He sort of looked at it simply as acquiring a "tool" (his own words) to solve a problem, but of course it is much more than that but then he only realized that after the fact what he had gotten himself into.
The thing is at this point, I think he wouldn't be happy getting rid of either one of us, nor do we want to be dumped. I think we will complement eachother in many ways and I do feel he has given a lot of thought in choosing someone that could get along with me and I do feel she and I can get along independent of our relationship with him.
The crisis now is more an issue of his lack of self-confidence in being able to balance the two of us, rather than an issue of not wanting one of us or even knowing what he wants. He can have both of us if he handles it right so it has the potential to be a net gain for him.
A secondary issue is her unreasonable demands, which she even admitted to him were unfair to me, but that didn't stop her from making them. And in his insecurity about finding a second wife to accept him because he worried no one would, he acquiesced to those demands at least in the beginning and that is exacerbating the situation because he knows it is unfair to me and that sooner or later he is going to make her face reality and so he has a lot of guilt.
I'm just not convinced we have so many hidden demons that produced this situation as much as the situation itself is creating them. So while I will give him his space, I'm also going to do so with the assumption that he has chosen both of us and that I have to continue to expect a future with him but adapt to the changed circumstances. We have some unfinished projects at home and the first thing I will do is get him to work with me on completing them. I'm not in a wait and see mode.
