Focus on Me and the Boys 9

[J5K]

So I bought the LRT training videos. I also spoke to DB coach this week.

Friday I call STBX and tell her that I am moving to Toronto after the D. She doesn't believe me and so the following texts occur later that evening.

This just solidifies in writing that she clearly is a person with huge entitlement issues and is bat$hit crazy.

I never want to be with this person again. So toxic. She admitted she puts herself first over the boys.

When I told STBX I am moving it was a huge weight off my shoulders. Not for her, but for me and the boys. I feel like I am in limbo and will save more money financially by moving up there since S4 will be going to school for free. I will live in a little place and continue to focus on my and the boys. I have dropped the rope with her. I now want this D as bad as she does.

Here are the messages:


Me: I called L and left her a voicemail. I will send an email also when I get in the office.

Me: Ok sent L an email. Will keep you posted on my transfer and how things play out with that.

STBX: Ok. Can you copy me and my L on the email?

STBX: When is the lease up on your apartment?

Me: L is out of the office. She will not be back until Monday. I will forward the email after I discuss with her if the change can be made.

Me: End of November.

STBX: Ah so now it's IF the change of custody can be made. See it's never a definite

STBX: You say one thing one minute then another the next

STBX: Whatever, as I said I'll believe it when I see it...

Me: You stated you weren't sure of it could be made before the 21st. I agree that it is in question whether we can change it.

Me: Maybe it will have to be after I dont know.

STBX: Well either way it can be changed before or after

STBX: But it can be changed

Me: Yes agree

STBX: Ok

Me: Enjoy ur day and have a good weekend.

Me: Also want to let you know that I did start my transfer over to Toronto and I will send you evidence as I get emails for it so that you believe me

STBX: That's all fine and good but you actually need court approval to accept a transfer and move the kids

STBX: Didn't your L tell you that?

STBX: We can ask the court on the 21st so you better get your ducks in a row before then

STBX: And no, under the circumstances I don't think it's appropriate I attend the baptism. Besides I have a prior engagement anyway.

Me: Ok I will try and get documentation from work.

Me: You taking the kids that weekend also since it is your parenting time?

Me: No need tell me about your personal life. Not interested anymore.

Me: My focus is on the boys.

STBX: It's not actually my parenting time

Me: Yes. Every other weekend.

STBX: I was going on ask if I could take the kids on the 21st since I'll be down there for court and bring them back to TO for the weekend

STBX: Meet you halfway in London on Sunday

Me: No I have things going on also.

STBX: It's not every other weekend. All it stated was 2 weekends a month

STBX: Ah well I guess it won't work

STBX: Ok

Me: Ok 2 weekends a month. We need to agree to a schedule if u cannot then it wont work.

Me: I am not here to schedule around your social life.

STBX: And for the record if we were following an every other weekend rule then the 21st would've been the weekend anyway not the 30. Plus you said you were taking them trick or treating

Me: Yes ur more than welcome to join in trick or treating if u choose.

STBX: No I already have plans that weekend

Me: Do u even really want the kids?

Me: Or am I moving there for nothing.

STBX: Ha! That's rich

STBX: I just fought for them

STBX: No you're moving here to try and control me again through the kids

STBX: You're moving here because you're getting transferred

STBX: All of a sudden you have this epiphany that I should have the kids? I don't buy that for a second

STBX: Of course I want my children

Me: I chose the transfer because the boys do not deserve to be trekked back and forth. As far as you and I are concerned I am not looking to control you.

STBX: But you made it so that I never see them

Me: There is no controlling you. That is clear.

Me: Yes Jen I made it that way. I get that is how you feel.

STBX: Again you make these huge decisions without consulting anyone

STBX: We haven't even discussed a change of custody agreement or anything but now you're moving and just dropping them off to me without giving me any notice of time to prep or anything

Me: Yes I make decisions without consulting.

Me: As stated we can work in the transition.

STBX: When are you supposed to transfer?
By Nov 1st?
Before the end of the year?
What is your move date?
Not that you should even have one because this move hasn't been court approved but anyway

Me: I have no idea. It is a process. I have immigration papers to fill out and work with a relocation firm

STBX: So it can be anytime

Me: Well I will advise the court.

STBX: Ok well the house won't be ready till Feb so maybe we should aim for then

STBX: Also I am asking for 2900 a month in child support

Me: We can discuss when I know more when I have more info.

STBX: Seems there's lots to discuss

Me: Good luck. It will be whatever the formula calculates it to be

STBX: Well then good luck because I won't be abo to support the kids on anything less

Me: You can ask all you want. I have done the calculations a million ways

Me: Thats on you

STBX: No actually it's not
You have physical custody of the kids

Me: Goodnight. Not talking about this anymore.

Me: It is joint physical and legal.

STBX: Nothing to talk about it seems. It's all talk with you. When it comes right down to it, you'll never do the right thing for these kids

Me: You have 100k paid back to ur parents they can help to.

Me: I will pay what I owe.

STBX: For you infer that my parents should support our kids is ridiculous

STBX: I don't have to accept any changes then
You can stay there or move here and support the kids as you have

Me: So dont. S4 can still go for free and i will pay less in daycare

STBX: Ok then maybe that's best
Run the numbers
What can I say? I ran the numbers for me and that's what I would need to support the kids here

Me: Wow cant wait to put these texts in front of the judge

STBX: Ok well I'm the only one being fiscally pragmatic

Me: ZTBX u want this divorce so here are the consequences. You need to figure out how to pay for things.

Me: Yes u are fiscally pragmatic. Agree.

Me: With my money that by any law canadian or michigan there will be a limit.

STBX: I have figured it out thanks

STBX: You can agree to pay more than what is calculated

Me: I choose not to. Sorry paying the legal requirement only. Welcome to life.

STBX: I'm not trying to gouge you. I waived alimony. But if I have to clothe and feed and support these kids then that's the amount

Me: After divorce.

STBX: Ok well that's fine then we don't even bother making any changes

Me: Well guess what you would not get that much alimony either.

STBX: Well I still waived it. I always said I would
This is about the boys

Me: Fine. I will keep them in my custody then and at least we can kill the daycare for Jacob and all I need is daycare for Evan.

Me: Yep. Just took my 45K. Worth it for me.
Prepaid alimony.

STBX: Anyway sleep on it. Run the numbers for here in Canada vs. US. Maybe it is cheaper since Jacob would be in school for free. Maybe you can find a proper nanny or au pair like you wanted

Me: I sure will. And I have. Thanks. I have managed this long.

STBX: I get that you're angry and don't want to pay me child support. Or "do me any favors" as you put it

STBX: Ok well as I said think on it and see how it works out

Me: I am not angry. I am done and have moved on STBX.

STBX: Ok

Me: I provide for the boys like you said. If I choose to give more that is my choice.

Me: I have to establish myself again also. Hope you understand that.

Me: No matter how the custody arrangement is.

STBX: Not sure what that means exactly...establish yourself...

Me: Well sleep on it. If you still don't understand I will try and communicate more clearly tomorrow.

STBX: Not really sure what you're getting at with this but ok