By the way, for the rest of the people out there...
What happened to the council that used to be given about making yourself the more attractive option?
I've read through four different threads today and not seen anyone mention that even one time.
In many of these stories, there is a path to reconciliation that is powered by becoming a better version of the person that they once fell in love with.
Just wondering...
Bill
Bill - I agree. I've "only" been on this forum for about 7 months now but have noticed that the advice given tends to cycle through different philosophies. I'm sure that I speak for everyone though when I express my gratitude for the consistent messages coming from people like sandi2, Cadet etc. My own philosophy largely matches the general message of the board about being the person "only a fool would leave". We all arrive here with a certain amount of damage and baggage and before we can be any good to anyone we have to spend some time examining ourselves honestly and becoming that person that we can love ourself and then we can be that person who our spouse can love as well. Even though I desperately still want one, I do believe there are no "quick fixes" or easy answers that will be sustainable for the long term.
lostasf - I think what is being asked here of you is are "you" being the best that you can be? There is darned little that any of us can do to affect our spouses or what they do in a positive way. We can fairly easily annoy them but we can't force them to love and admire us again. I will confess that I haven't read through your thread recently but am a bit familiar with your story and like most of us you are very focused on your W and what she is up to and hoping to influence her. Heck - I did that myself 3 days ago. I'm not suggesting that you try to compete with OM - heck in the greater majority of the cases out there OM isn't worth the air that they breathe and there is no comparison. I and I believe Bworl are suggesting that you work on being yourself - and that that self is someone you can love and admire and is a person who your W can also. OM and the A may very well be temporary. From what I've read and seen in real life they often are. You need to be ready for when she turns towards you for her to see what a great guy you are - by being yourself and the best lostasf you can be. Then and only then can you start building a new MR with her putting the past behind you both.
We now return you to your regular thread - sorry for the interruption.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
