Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Dory,
Thank you for your thoughts. I am trying to work on myself and make myself a less stubborn, softer and and warmer person all around. I am trying to put my ego on the back burner. Most importantly I am trying to build positive memories (now) so my WH has something to think about when he is drifting.

SH,
MWD tells people that you can influence your partner, she is very adamant about that. The entire design of her DBing is about how you can influence the people around you by truly listening to them and then doing trial and error. She has an entire video on youtube saying "You can push their buttons because you installed most of them." She is has been clear that it can take one to tango and save a marriage, it is the one way her technique differ from every other marriage expert. My WH hasn't spoken to the OW since June when I confronted and found about their second affair in April. Mostly this is because she cut him off and walked away. Meanwhile he's been pining and withdrawing from her. So while his thinking is wayward he is not still in the affair.

Surfer,
You asked why I was a "right fighter?" Good question and one I am still thinking about. My first thought is it's an ego issue. I grew up in a contentious family where arguing was constant and sometimes ended in violence between my brothers. I really struggled with apologies. It felt like losing a piece of myself to be wrong. (the arrogance, right??) I've gotten better about this but still have a looooong way to go. As far as "out of sight, out of mind." I am not expecting my WH to dwell on us constantly, but when he is living away from us he starts to question if there is any benefit to being married to me. He will start to say we aren't compatible, we argue too much, we never have any fun, etc., etc., However when he's here he says how much joy and love he feels, how much easier it is to forget the OW. It's hard to paint your spouse as the villain when she's sitting there and doing and behaving on good way, ykwim? (this is addressing my marriage)