Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[SH_]

I think my points to Sara are going largely misunderstood...
Much too much focus on WH and not enough focus on Sara...

Jksd, I agree with all that you say here, and that is what leads to my question...
Why are we focusing on WH?
Sara has no control nor influence over him...
My words are to encourage that Sara focus on detachment, GAL,thought control and forgiveness...
All of these are the first points from MWD in speaking of infidelity...
This is what Sara can control...
And her reasoning, is what you share Grl...
WH should be willing to speak of the affair, be done with the affair, and put in his efforts before Sara can do much with working on the MR...

Has this been agreed to by him?
If so, I have missed it.

I will leave this point as it has always been my most focused point and strong belief and understanding with DBing and the the things MWD has taught...
The first and most important focus is on ourself first...

Sara, I am always going to be here to support you.
We arrived at much the same time and you were there for me as I have tried to be there for you. I do not know what you are going through as I have never experienced waywardness, personally... but I have a very close friend whose W went wayward over 2 years ago and is still with him...he did not have DB until I found it this year and shared it with him...he still has not put the focus on himself first, his WW seems over the OP and willing to work on the MR...
The issue is now he is nearly a WAH.
She stays...he has set the bar way to high as MWD explains it...
He did not work on himself and still continues not to.
No GAL...
No thought stopping...
No forgiveness...
No detaching...

These are my points that I am encouraging that get your focus first...

So I apologize if my attempts to nudge you and Cherry into extreme focus on these things first is coming off as anything related to giving up on the MR or tossing the WH out...

Not my intent...
I will back up with my advice because I may be a bit hardened to WS as I have several friends struggling...MWD advice is the best, I just pray the cart is not being placed before the horse...I pray that her upcoming book on infidelity comes out soon as she has announced...more clarification of her teachings may shed light for many...

You and your family are in my prayers.

A good quote that I want to share before stepping back is one that I am trying to apply in my own life and challenges, I hope you may find some wisdom and hope from it as I have.

When you focus on problems, you create more problems.
When you focus on possibilities , you will have more possibilities.
Zig Zigler


I see much possibility in Sara.
Once Sara has strengthened herself through the things she can control with detachment, GAL, Thought stopping, and Forgiveness...and WH agrees to stop all affairs with any OP...then the healing can begin no matter the length of time...or ups and downs...
You are awesome, strong, and a wonderful person a great mother and a fighter for what you believe in...these all make you the woman that only a fool would leave...already at this moment you are that woman...
Keep focus on Sara and you will prevail.

(((((PsySara)))))