Surfer, I was pointing out what I did wrong before the A and how I am trying to change that.(I was 2x4'ing myself, ) "Right fighting" is the supreme form of stupidity, you can be right or be happy. I was showing my former behaviors that I am working on changing. The reason I have been so affectionate and warm towards WH, also showing him I am willing to be forgiving and gentle, is because I am showing him what he can lose if he walks away. More importantly I am making these changes because it is the right thing to do. Obviously I was presenting it utterly wrong, I am working on stopping the bad behavior and doing a 180, I wasn't saying these previous behaviors were good, quite the opposite.
I read the 5 love languages and took the online quiz. Later I convinced WH to take the quiz and he came out very high on the Physical affection. So I have made myself warm and touch him a lot now, this results in him softening and turning back towards me. Sadly when he's been at work I am out of sight and mind, his mind starts to forget the warmth and affection, he starts to remember the "list" of my previous behavior. So I've come to expect these pendulum swings when he is out of town. I was expecting him to go cold again. I wasn't expecting the non sequitur comment about the OW and broke the rules by showing my temper.
2Lady, My WH CHOSE to work away from his family for money. I requested he stay with us and settle for less money for 2 years until I completed my residency. When he met this woman and started having sex with her 3 weeks later. I don't think anything I did or didn't do can justify his behavior. It is zinah and punishable by death in our religion. He had an affair because he is an insecure man with low self esteem who felt his ego stroked by a 20 year old nurse who told him how amazing he was because he was a doctor. If men could just take multiple wives like picking different flavor foods (get bored with one just get another) then I would not be part of this religion. I don't think our situations are comparable. Polygamy the way my husband tried to approach it is haram. She was kufr and her wali would not have consented. The fact that they committed zinah and then WH tried to shoe horn his situation into polygamy is disgusting and an insult to the true reason polygamy was practiced during our prophet's time. The Ow said point-blank she did not believe in polygamy and was just humoring my WH when she said she would consider it.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
) "Right fighting" is the supreme form of stupidity, you can be right or be happy. I was showing my former behaviors that I am working on changing. The reason I have been so affectionate and warm towards WH, also showing him I am willing to be forgiving and gentle, is because I am showing him what he can lose if he walks away. More importantly I am making these changes because it is the right thing to do. Obviously I was presenting it utterly wrong, I am working on stopping the bad behavior and doing a 180, I wasn't saying these previous behaviors were good, quite the opposite. 