It sounds like your situation may not be so bad as it seems, as long as you can get to the point where you are living in the same location. It's not an excuse, but perhaps the main reason for his straying was simply that you weren't available, and he wanted someone, anyone, to fill a physical role. And then he got caught up in it a little more than he expected and started to have feelings for her. It doesn't necessarily mean he did it because there was anything wrong with you. But then maybe he saw differences between the two of you and saw things he liked in her that you didn't have.

I think that is what has happened with my husband. His reason for looking for a second wife was something that simply we can't do anything about so I don't feel I failed him in any way, but nevertheless once he found someone he has gotten a bit carried away with it all in terms of being a bit obsessed with her and thinking she is perfect (anyone is perfect if you don't live with them yet). But we don't have any serious inherent problems between us that should drive us apart so I am trying to take a face value his assertion that he knows he will get bored of her in a year or two, and if history repeats itself like with our marriage I would expect him to start reclaiming his space after 6-7 months, which will coincide with Ramadan this year when his temper will go sky high from 2pm to iftar and I have already told him he will be spending that time with HER, not me--there's at least one benefit to polygamy hahahaha! But it should help to speed up the detaching that he needs to do.

But truthfully, I think what is working for you is working for me too. I'm very confident in the fundamentals of our relationship and I have made a special effort since we have been apart to always remain very cheery and upbeat when we talk and it seems to be working at least in keeping things good between us. I even managed to get away with a joke today about suggesting he run away from his wedding to join me to do something else around the same date and he didn't get angry and just said well you can do it if you want, but not with me. But I felt it was a good step because he didn't get nervous about me making a joke like that and think that I was trying to sabotage things.