Hi All - Thanks so much for the quick responses to my post. I have no idea why he changed his look, just that he said he felt like a slug and is trying to make him self better. He says no that he feels better about him self the only thing he can focus on is the emptiness inside him related to our relationship and it makes him angry.
Thanks Andrew P - I have asked him to see counseling, make changes in our relationship or life, just plain start having sex to rekindle things, go to dinner or do something once a week,etc. He says no no no no to all of it. Says he doesn't want to fake it and is happier doing things alone. Only since i told him I am moving on and stopped focusing my attention on him he has started doing a few little "connection things" like I mentioned above. When asked what he wants, he says, he wish he could just be left alone and stay her OR go away for awhile and come back. When asked what he envisions a perfect marriage 10 years in with 4 young kids he says "that's just the point, I don't know, and it 'effing [censored] that I am trapped for the rest of my life in this complacency".
I want more from my marriage too but I have never been unhappy raising my 4 kids and supporting my family. My husband has NEVER had restrictions from me. I do it all. He comes and goes as he chooses while I manage everything else. In his bomb drop he mentioned that I am like a cold robort or like his roomate Billy. He get's no sense of romance or fulfillment from me. When I tried to explain it's because I am left to do it all alone, he says "that may be true, but that is just the person you really are. You can't be the person I want". I have tried to be more needy, sweet, relaxed, etc and he calls me a "faker". In all honesty, I would DIE for him to take care of me, sweep me off the floor, help me or just ask how I am doing. So it is insane to me that he says this.
I need to add that he is definitely abusing alcohol for sometime now and in the last 6 weeks when I tried to "talk" to him there has been a little bit of physical abuse. That said, I knew I would prompt it, because I wouldn't stop following him around the house trying to talk with him. So I really intiated it. I am just saying this because if I am looking for real help here I figure I need to be honest.
So when he reaches out with hugs, affection, initiates conversations and texts - how much do I allow to show my true feelings of LOVE or do I just continue to be cold for awhile. And if the latter, how do I know when I can approach again?
