So saw the W earlier during an impromptu childcare handover, she was so cold with me; it absolutely rips me in two and the confusion how we've gone from then to now just baffles me...
Part of it is b/c she wants to convince you that she is absolutely done with the M. If she was friendly, you would immediately think it was a sign of some sort. How do I know? B/c she just gave you a compliment on your weight loss and your mind went jumping overboard.
The very last thing she wants from her H is for him to start pressuring her. Practically EVERYTHING that comes out of his mouth is emotional pressure on her. So, my advice to you is do nothing, and say nothing, that you wouldn't say to a total stranger, at least while she's acting so cold.
Have you noticed your W looking differently in how she fixes her hair, makeup, and/or how she dresses? Does she take longer in her personal grooming now? Has she lost weight, dresses sexier, hangs out with a younger person, changed her preference in music, started using different slang, etc?
Back to you......I hope you really focus on getting healthier. Losing a sufficient amount of weight can have amazing effects in the life of a person. Often, a brand new person emerges, and they have new experiences to enjoy, that obesity had prevented in the past.
I suggest you became over comfortable in your MR, maybe even depressed....and then the weight continued to get worse, and it discouraged you from going out socially. Staying home all the time and not getting out to socialize with others (other than relatives) and have a few activities that doesn't necessarily depend on the spouse, is not emotionally healthy, IMHO. I am as much a home body as anyone, but when I was young and had small children, I would get very depressed staying home all the time. It's easy to let go of appearances when you know you won't be seen. So, while you are working on losing your weight, be sure you are not just hibernating and nursing your broken heart.
Get a calendar and fill it up with activities. Watch the newspaper, tv, or listen to local radio for events that will be taking pace in your area. Discover something you really enjoy doing, that does not include your W. Experiment and just try new things, but get out of that house! Staying busy is important, and you are going to build a new man. Not just a good looking guy, but one who is interesting, too.
You will need to be responsible for getting inspiration for RBG80. Sad songs make you cry? Don't listen to it. Have your own brand of music playing in your ears. Listen to music that gets you pumping. Listen to motivational speakers. Read books that encourage you, not old letters & cards from your W. Don't look at old photo albums, go out and make new pictures of you and son doing fun things together! You are going to make a new album. Get your son involved in filling the new pages with pictures, and post them to your FB page (if you are into FB). BTW, don't follow her on social media.
Here is another thing to add to your list of new activities. Find ways to help other people. Volunteer to help neighbors who are shut-in and can't get to the doctor, or pick up groceries, or whatever. Elderly people are starved for someone to spend a few minutes with them. There are various organizations that seek volunteers. Once you step outside of the walls of your house and the comfort zone of only your family......you will begin seeing how to help others. What's the point? Well, guess who benefits? You do, and also the ones you help. Giving a part of ourselves to those who can't do for themselves, is a special fulfillment and rewarding feeling. It helps us have a more balanced outlook in our own lives.
Last, but certainly not the least, make personal goals. Don't make goals for your W. These need to be for you. Think about the kind of man you want to become, and the kind of father you want your son to have. How can you improve your outward appearance, your manners, your personality, etc. How can you become more socially involved and make new friends? What will it take to make your life more enriched (besides having your family)? What can you do to get the resources to learn how to be a better H and have a better MR? What are some of the things you've put off doing?
The most challenging part of all of this will probably be b/c it's all outside your realm of comfort, and b/c it doesn't include your W. You are very codependent and need to read about codependency and how to do live life without depending on your W. Also, read about how to let go of controlling her.
I hope you will stick with us, and post often.
BTW, maybe I misunderstood about you sticking to this thread until 100 posts, but you know you can read & respond to other people's threads, right?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
