I'm not sure you understand that when you decide to implement boundaries in a way that makes your wayward spouse uncomfortable, the [censored] literally hits the fan.
I'm sorry you weren't more forthcoming about your role in the deterioration of the marriage relationship. I often wondered how many stories on here are a bit glossed over in favor of the writer.
Your wife choosing to have an affair is indefensible in my opinion. But you should understand that from her perspective, this is NOT, I repeat NOT, some crazy knee-jerk reaction on her part. You denied her presence. For years. You showed her over and over again that you did not care for or value her input. That stuff leaves scars and tears a person down.
It's also the reason why such spouses get so pissed off when we have finally come to the realization that we have screwed up our marriage. It's what she wanted for a long time, but it never happened. When she finally decided to seek happiness somewhere else, and take advantage of your obliviousness to her presence, THEN you decide to care and want her back.
And now, when she asks for space, you want to make it uncomfortable? How dare you?!
You've got work to do here. And for what it's worth, I think this relationship can actually be saved and restored. But being an ass by acting as though you are the innocently wounded party is not the way it's going to get done.
Take ownership. But also refuse to be cuckolded. You're willing to do everything you can to repair, rebuild, restore your marriage. But you're not going to do it while she keeps a man in waiting on the side. If she's moving out, then you're willing to go it alone, but that means really going it alone. That means protecting EACH OTHER financially. That doesn't mean I suddenly become an ass and pretend that I'm incapable of doing something nice and helpful to another human being if I can.
I don't know lost. Maybe I should shut up since today is the first day I've known anything about your story.
But I think you're going about this wrong...
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
