I do not like when people call doing things for themselves "selfish" It's not in the context in which we understand the work. It's called self-care. Selfish is when we do what we want, when we want, even if it has a very negative consequence. That's my definition anyways.
I'm learning this. Still I have a hard time sometimes. My W asked me this morning if I had plans this weekend and I told her I was going golfing on Saturday and I still felt a little guilty even though I know I shouldn't. It's not going to stop me from going and I will have a good time but I guess there is still a little of the old me in there.
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My ex and I did almost everything together. Actually, until he was cheating on me, I can't even remember not going to bed at the same time (I did work night shift, so he did get to go to bed without me 3 nights a week). It wasn't me making him, or him making me, it just happened that we did almost everything together. I realize that was pretty unhealthy. because it was mostly me doing things he enjoyed, and with his friends. It's great to have outside interests and things personal to you as long as you balance it with time spent with your spouse. I swear, I learned so much from my bad M and just being alone about how to be healthy in an R. I've really taken the time to step back and observe other couples.
I still did my things but my W basically gave up her things to spend time with me, which I never asked her too. My W had a group of friends that she hung out with when I met her but within a short time she dropped them to spend her time with me. She wanted to do everything with me and I think she became jealous when I would do things without her. There was a time when we lived in AZ for 4 years that it was better because she found a group of girl friends that she could do stuff with but then we moved away and she never really found any friends or hobbies for herself since then.
M39, W36 T12, M10 S6,S2 Discovered EA 8/8 that started 7/31
