I try every single day to concentrate on me and what I can control, but it's always there! The wonderment of what she is thinking - what is it she wants (does she even know). Is there a way back, is anything that I'm doing making a difference?...
I know that concentrating on her and her thoughts are damaging to me, but how the hell do you stop this.
I'm starting to think they aren't thinking. They are just acting on their feelings, which can be different from person to person and even from moment to moment within a single person, no matter how illogical and self-destructive those feelings may be. They are searching for certain feeling, which may be impossible to achieve. In fact, they may wind up doing the total opposite of what they should do to achieve those feelings, because they are letting themselves act impulsively according to their feeling of the moment and not actually thinking logically. Nothing can be achieved properly without careful thought and they are incapable of it at least with regards to the relationship.
This is what I think I see in my husband. The irony of it is he has been taking my advice lately on a major opportunity for him that is not related to our relationship and he is almost overly logical and willing to bend to what I advise even if he doesn't want to take my advice. I had to actually sort of ask him to back off on putting too much weight on my opinion or else I fear he will blame me if he doesn't do it and have regrets later. I told him I am not against this opportunity but we just need to approach it in an analytical way.
But when it comes to relationship issues, forget about it, he wants to be in control and that's it, even though there are similar and even more dire consequences of his relationships that are possible and he seems to be taking it all so lightly or at least in a state of total denial of the possibility that he is getting himself into a situation that will have lifelong consequences.
So my advice is don't worry about her thoughts/feelings because likely they are unsustainable in the long run, unless she points out some area you can improve about yourself that makes sense to you, even if you don't like it. That's the best you can do at this point.
