Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Just need too clarify some things.

My children are 5 yo, 3 yo and 8 mo. No teenagers here but definitely a childish man-baby. My WH isn't here, he's in his work state so 100% of chores, child care household duties fall on me. WH gets in his "I'm not sure I want to be married blah blah blah" mode when he's in his work state living the bachelor life. Meanwhile I am here dealing with work, single parenting and DBing my marriage.

What future did I picture for myself? I pictured raising children in a loving, 2 parent home. I despise the idea of only having 50% of my children's life because some selfish @sshole chooses to go off and have a MLC or whatever. Also, I am burned out with regards to taking care of them myself for the rest of their childhood. Last night I only slept 2 hours because I was on call and the baby was up every hour. This is the third night straight of severe sleep deprivation. I've looked for night time child care and so far the options are pretty grim. MY family is very limited with being able to help me.

I am feeling rage towards my WH right now because I have been made a single parent through no choice of my own. I am doing what I have to do because I have no choice. We discussed our goals as husband and wife, parents and Muslims for 3 years before we married. He told me he wanted the family life, he told me how many ways he was looking forward to be an active father and husband. Now here I am, looking stupid for believing him. I am not in a good head space right now. I am exhausted and burned out. My energy is tapped out and it's nearly impossible to GAL when you're parenting/working 24/7. Even my coach was a bit perplexed on how to advise me when I told him my obligations and how limited my resources were when it comes to child care.

I am already livinng a life as if WH is not in the pitcure because there is no other option. In the meantime I am follwing the DB advice to make my marriage one a fool would leave.