So as soon as you are done reading DR, I would encourage you to read about nice guy syndrome by Glover. This has been life changing for my H, who was silently suffering for his entire life, being a people pleaser and for women especially. He is near recovery (sounds silly) but it does take time to understand and change. It's worth your while because most likely some of this has contributed to the breakdown of your M and her losing respect for you.

It's going to be counterintuitive because it goes against what you have always believed in life. Were you by chance raised by an overbearing or critical mother? Did you grow up feeling that you needed to stuff your feelings and put others before yourself? Was it easier just to be nice and make things easier than speak your mind or express your feelings? If any of this rings true, then it's time to take a look. An IC can also help you explore how you were raised with these beliefs and how it may now be working against you.

I completely agree with TxHubby in that people want what they can't have and usually the wayward does the 180 when the LBS gives up. I think the same is said for a WH as a WW. This is certainly what happened in my sitch too. I am not super popular with some of the women LBS posters her because I tend not to agree with being friendly, available, or trying to nice your way back to R. Even if it gets results, I don't think it ultimately will bring them back. Men want a wife that is not sitting their pining for them while they are cheating and walking all over them! I want to see more ladies (and men) understand their worth, stand tall, and move on without the wayward.

Women (and men) are attracted to someone that is strong, confident, and has it together. If someone is actively trying to leave you and you are nice and available, they will only lose respect. It sounds like your wife has lost respect for you and is cake eating, by enjoying family time and protecting that image for the kids. So if she moves out and has a new BF, will you still want the friendship with her? If not, it's time to take a giant step back, don't answer to her, and all she needs to know is that you have a lot to think about now. That's it.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela