The sun will rise for a new day

[ATPeace]

Thank you for checking in

Emotions in check planning for the weekend meeting up with a good friend for a night out will Hit the casino and off for a meal or may eat there I believe there is a poker tournament running ...I a not very good at poker but it takes my mind off things and is a bit of fun I know my limits

So slimming club that I want to join is slimming world still have not found one local that has male members if I cannot find one then I will go to an all female group.

Time to re read the rules I am still having way too many conversations with W and it is not helping I have made so many mistakes and have to go back to basics

Detaching while I am living with my W is proving to be almost impossible I plan to go to Devon next week for a few days get away from here

W tells me that she sometimes feels suicidal and I know I have been there myself but I know exactly what is causing me to feel this way a lot of the marriage knowing I'll be in separate houses see my children less .....where as she does not know what is causing her to feel this way. She tells me that she would still want to be in separate houses on that there is no way she will be changing her mind she tells me that she would still want to be in separate houses on that there is no way she will be changing her mind I know say nothing what she says but I do know my wife and she really if ever changes her mind and she tells me her mind is made up So with this in mind I should find things easier to detach and start planning for my future

So little progress I know I cannot be the one to jest all initiate selling the house but she tells me this is what she wants

Still no progress but I am feeling calmer

Thank you
Hugs

[SH_]

Thank you for checking in

Emotions in check planning for the weekend meeting up with a good friend for a night out will Hit the casino and off for a meal or may eat there I believe there is a poker tournament running ...I a not very good at poker but it takes my mind off things and is a bit of fun I know my limits

So slimming club that I want to join is slimming world still have not found one local that has male members if I cannot find one then I will go to an all female group.

Time to re read the rules I am still having way too many conversations with W and it is not helping I have made so many mistakes and have to go back to basics

Detaching while I am living with my W is proving to be almost impossible I plan to go to Devon next week for a few days get away from here

W tells me that she sometimes feels suicidal and I know I have been there myself but I know exactly what is causing me to feel this way a lot of the marriage knowing I'll be in separate houses see my children less .....where as she does not know what is causing her to feel this way. She tells me that she would still want to be in separate houses on that there is no way she will be changing her mind she tells me that she would still want to be in separate houses on that there is no way she will be changing her mind I know say nothing what she says but I do know my wife and she really if ever changes her mind and she tells me her mind is made up So with this in mind I should find things easier to detach and start planning for my future

So little progress I know I cannot be the one to jest all initiate selling the house but she tells me this is what she wants

Still no progress but I am feeling calmer

Thank you
Hugs

Ghost...
I did not see that you replied to my question...

Ghost...
Still not reading much about your time with an IC...
Does your IC specialize in CBT?

[ATPeace]

SH sorry cross post my ic does use CBT as part of her therapy I do not think this is where she specialises but she is helping me to work on changing my thought patterns well at least trying to help me.

[roist]

I think that it is great that your W said she is suicidal at times. Let me elaborate before reacting. Here is why:
1 she is depressed. SHE is depressed.This is all..ALL... about her. HER.
2. Depression paralyses actions. She may want to leave but she has not DONE so. Why do you stir that pot by even acknowledging it, yet alone discussing it. You will only succeed at pushing her into action
3. She shared that info with you.RRegardless of context, she opened up to you.
4. You understand depression. She is depressed.Feel some empathy for her. She is nstruggling.Back off of her. You cannot fix her buy you can make her worse.

I will say another thing, that despite all the non DB actions you take, she is still there. Frankly you would have pushed most WAS out the door already. Ponder on that. It is significant. But do not count on it.

Your situation is tough, but if you don't want to move out, why contemplateit. Be prepared as it is a possibility, but don't make it happen.Forget about it.

Read ForeverYoungs threads and how his W was done, done done. He stuck it out and things improved.

Best wishes

[SH_]

SH sorry cross post my ic does use CBT as part of her therapy I do not think this is where she specialises but she is helping me to work on changing my thought patterns well at least trying to help me.

Do share some of what she is working to help you with.
It is time that you focus on the things you are working towards...not running from.
What you focus on becomes the realities ...
There is a saying that one needs to focus on the solutions, not the problems...
Do you know why?

[MoveFrwd]

She tells me that she would still want to be in separate houses on that there is no way she will be changing her mind

I do know my wife and she really if ever changes her mind and she tells me her mind is made up. So with this in mind I should find things easier to detach and start planning for my future

Just pointing out that youve been saying this for a year and a half and so far there hasnt been much action on her part.

[Vanilla]

Dear one

I still believe that FOO is a big issue

V

[ATPeace]

Darkness that is very true however she is living a much more separate life and it is clear she has much resentment.she is snappy and bitter she looks,for,reasons,to criticise me

I cannot have,it both ways I want he to tell me when I am doing something that she finds upsetting so I can be more thoughtful and change the things that cause her to feel upset.

The longer we do this inhouse seperation the further,we,seem to be, perhaps it is just my mindset perhaps not

How to stop myself feeling bitter,

[sandi2]

If we push too hard, you will report back that you and W are getting along really well. If we don't have much to add, then you come back with how you know you need to separate.....or know that W still want to S and move on, and how lonely you feel.

When it became too intense from the board, you stopped posting. When you returned, I tried to encourage you to take a different approach, but you will not stop repeating this same old crap!! it doesn't matter what we say, you stay stuck. I thought you were interested in SH's help, but you quickly shut down when you saw it required action.

Listen Ghost, we can't help a person who refuses to be helped. There have been so many amazing people (who are suffering from their own situations), to spend countless hours trying to help you. I don't know what you want from the board. Can you tell us what you are seeking when you write the same things over and over? Are you wanting comfort, friendship, advice, someone to just listen...............what?

I don't remember anyone on the board who has caused me to become as frustrated, and to the point of being ready to toss the idea of ever offering another word ........only to feel the strings of compassion pulled at my heart, again. I just don't know what more to say to you. I sincerely want you to get help.

[ATPeace]

Hi Sandi

First I am sorry that I get you upset I really do not know what i want from my posts I guess someone to listen to me I am trying to work on me and the kids but it is hard when I see my W daily and we spend time together .


Let me think a little more about your thoughts I do want to succeed I do believe that time is slowly helping me to loose,some of th important events feelings

Thank you Sandi xx