Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Aaaaaand the pendulum swings again. In the last two days WH has gone back to saying he is not sure what he wants. He feels it would be kinder to me to walk away from this marriage. He was all over the place, talking about wanting the opportunity to experiencing dating, to be alone, to drive around new cities. It wasn't very cogent or organized. I completely expected this while he is in his work state so was careful to validate and remain detached.

However. Tonight we were talking and I said, "Know I love you, hon." (he had been requesting words of love lately) His response was, "You know, OW said to me she wished I didn't love her. That was two days before we stopped talking." I was caught completely off guard by this comment and felt down right insulted, I felt compared frankly. I was very quiet and he started asking what was wrong. I told him I had previously requested not to hear about their feelings for each other, that was a place I was not strong enough to visit. He started defending what he said and I lost my temper. I told him I didn't care what he felt for OW and what OW felt for him. I told him I didn't feel OW was capable of love or even being a decent human being. I told him I fantasized about her dying from some disease that eats a person from the genitals on up.

So.

Not my best moment.

He said we needed a break from the conversation and we needed to cool down. I said fine and hung up. I have spoken to my DBing coach about this in the past. The coach recommended something along the lines of gently placing a boundary. I had done that before but WH either forgot about it or doesn't interpret his comment about OW's perceived love from WH. This is my Achilles heel, when he starts talking about their "relationship" and his feelings about her. I am not sure I will ever be able to hear about it. Furthermore I am not sure how it would be edifying to our marriage.

I think I need to schedule another session with the coach. I am so frustrated and irritable at this moment.