Her MLC: The Battle I Didn't Choose

[Brubeck]

Eric - thank you very much for making the effort. I do appreciate you taking the time. There is a lot to chew on, and I don't have answers for all of it.

I moved the money because EVERYBODY started saying this months ago. I hesitated because I didn't want to make her angry & create more arguments. I waited and watched her drain our bank accounts on whatever she wanted. I said we couldn't afford this. I asked her repeatedly to join me in managing our monthly budget. She always said "I'll look into it" and ignored me.

I didn't move the money until 2 weeks ago when she continued to draw from the joint account for her own personal needs after her first paycheck came in. It's mentioned in every other freaking post I've read here on DB - protect your finances! You suggested I did it to control her. I didn't. I did it to protect my family's financial situation. That's exactly what I told her. I can't keep withdrawing from our savings account to cover health insurance every month because she's splurging for $100 dinners and $50 taxi rides.

The bulk of my income is spent paying bills. The bulk of her (new) income is spending money. With deductions for taxes, child care, her cell phone, bus card, etc. she is left with upwards of $700 per month to blow on whatever she wants. Most of her paycheck is hers to waste.

She's already trying to raise $2500 to retain a lawyer for a separation. Her mother refuses to help or participate. She could gather $2500 in 4 months from her paychecks. Instead, she just applied for a credit card in hopes of covering lawyer costs that way.

I keep the house together and focus on the kids. I don't know what else to do. "Hang on" and "Keep busy" are all I can think of. I said I don't know if I'm supposed to put a good foot forward. You said I already know the answer. I don't yet.

I've spent all of 2016 watching her in the tunnel, I don't expect her to just snap out of it. I just don't want everything to work out the way she thinks it's supposed to. I don't want her warped MLC logic to be validated by success.

Thanks again.