well....I had IC with a new C yesterday morning this one is recommended from my doc. To help me "through" this stage of my life not so much to look back at my life and figure out why I am the way I am. I like her. IC helped me and pointed out that going into an interaction with W i was thinking bad things would happen. Gave me some homework on thoughts and expectations and turning those thoughts into positive happier thoughts.
D spent the night. I picked her up from school and took her to this new cool pizza place. it's like chipotle for pizzas. you pick every single ingredient and then they bake it in like 5 minutes in some fancy looking oven. D gave me a gift W suggested they purchase on their vacation. I texted W thank you. no reply. Made cookies and watched a movie with D. went to bed around 9.30. Through out the conversations of the night D mentioned some things.
I took D to the store to get a toothbrush for my house. I like having extras so I told her to pick something with more than one. D picked a packet with like 4 because the colors were cool. D asked if she could have two, I said yes. D also asked why I needed more than some for her. I told D that you never know when someone might need an extra. D gave me a look and said "you don't need extras for anyone" I laughed and said "you never know who might be sleeping on your side" D did not look happy. D made a face and said no one better be sleeping or staying the night. That I'm different than her mom and I am still married so I have to wait until I'm Divorced. I was slightly taken aback. I wonder why she doesn't speak like that to W. It isn't the first time D makes a comment how I'm not allowed to date. D told me she's the only girl for me. Cute but...weird.
W took D's dvd player but couldn't make it work in the living room because W doesn't know how to plug old school chords in. (I took the ps3 so no more netflix or dvd player for them) D mentioned W got frustrated so she went to buy a new one. (D made a comment how I'm the one that always fixed stuff) Told D I'd plug her dvd player back tomorrow.
While opening a package at home D asked if those were my knives. I said yes. D explained she wanted to open a package at her house and the knives were gone. I asked If W had purchased new ones yet. D said no. -she NEEDS a dvd player but not knives...doesn't she cook?
D mentioned she leaves for 4 days to her birth fathers, I'm super surprised because BF doesn't like to take her outside of his court ordered dates. But D is getting older and has a half sibling so maybe he's coming around? Though earlier this summer he refused to keep her longer. Not sure. Whatever. I asked D what W was doing and why W was sending her. D said she didn't know.
D complained W's roommate's step kid came over and tore up D's room. Not sure why the kid was in my D's room. D also mentioned she did not have Mexican food in Mexico because they were at a resort, so she was disappointed.
This morning I took advice from here and my IC and acted as if, IC told me to not open the door to a fight or ask her questions. If i'd normally say "hey how are you" just greet her warmly but not to ask questions. W had sent this text too W-Make sure your trunk and or/backseat is empty tomorrow. I will be sending you with more of your stuff Which is why I was nervous, and W was already mad I wouldn't talk divorce so, I put on my best smile strolled in the house. To my surprise there was only ONE backpack with my stuff already packed and waiting for me by the door..It has stuff from my night stand by the bed. I did some mind reading..I think it was more for "show" that out of EVERYTHING she packed up my night stand. To let me know SOW is using it? To let me know W is DONE with me? To let me know NOT to expect to move back? I believe W thinks this is significant. Idk what I actually think. But I thought W would've had all my stuff packed. That was basically nothing... There was a hole in the dry wall by the door. (W's Roommate did not do a good job at dog sitting) Dog ate and tore up the dry wall. There was a mess. There was dry wall all over the floor and carpet and stairs. And a hole in the wall. It was a [censored] show. Not sure why it has not been cleaned up. (I would've cleaned it up first thing, again, W has NO job, no responsibilities, just lazy right now)
I also had a half chewed package with some things from my work, gloves and hat for D. I unpacked them and went to the trash. bottles of alcohol (tequila and rum) and a lot of beer bottles in the recycle bin.
I walked into the garage and my very nice & expensive dress coat was on the floor. I saw W had begun cleaning the garage. I was pissed my coat was on the floor right by the entrance. D followed me out and said "your coat is dirty" as it was in my hand. I asked why she left it on the floor and didn't bother to pick it up. D said she didn't put it on the floor and hadn't been to the garage. I didn't mention it bothered me to W because It's too big now anyway. No point in causing a fight over something I will never wear again. Must pick my fights wisely.
I came back inside and had a great opportunity to 180. D asked W why W was sending her away. (the question I asked D yesterday) W said in a very firm voice "for the record, I am not sending her away BF said he'd like to take her, so I agreed" Instead of defending myself I validated and said "you're right, I'm sorry I led you to believe that D, I should've used different wording. I apologize. I'm glad you get to visit him." W said "thank you" and D said it's ok. Any other day, as always I would've defended myself and we would've argued and W would tell me how I call her out in front of D and never take responsibility just make excuses. It felt nice to do that.
I hugged D said good bye reminded her I would not see her for a couple of weeks, as she was busy, as was I. Also shared and awkward side "brotherly" hug with W.
Also, W had said she would not send out any bill pays off my account. W totally sent one out yesterday for that joint bill I have with my sister. I texted her to say thank you. No reply. Not sure why W told me to handle my own bills and she keeps doing it. Super confused.
Glad this morning was not a sh!t show. Just confused about everything. Not really sure what to make of it. I know probably best to make nothing of it and let it be.
On a brighter note, I had a doc appointment and I actually talked to my Doc about normal things. See I'm very quiet, W would usually speak to the doc for me and I'd just sit there. (it's just how we are) Even the past couple of times I'd be so nervous and only answer her questions & not engage. Well, I noticed she got a hair cut and I started talking to her. It felt good. I wasn't even overly nervous or anxious. This is a BIG step for me. We had some small talk and I noticed I laughed and smiled. I'm pretty sure she's never seen me smile or laugh. It felt nice. I felt...NORMAL. whatever that means.
I don't know why but I feel good. as I've mentioned, I have noticed I usually feel good when I know I don't have to interact with W for a while, then I get all down when it's getting closer. I'll take it.
Need to focus on building a couple of solid friendships. I don't want just guy acquaintances, I want real girl friends, someone I can click with and hang out with and just be cheesyt. Will work on this.
