Yes, you have told me more then once that I need to be patient and just be friends with 0 expectations. It is very hard for me. But since this time, with this R, I have been unable to just let go, I think that it is the only road to walk. Besides, it will make things better for my sons.
The one thing that I am grasping a little better now is that we are divorced now for over a year and we have our separation 2nd anniversary coming up on Halloween. Creepy ah !
More and more I have been seeing that our M is totally over, there is nothing left on that R. Makes me sad? Yes, because I really had this feeling that M is forever, that we would be together for whatever situation, and it was not what happen.
I am in a way looking more into my own self and my own life, I wish I had more freedom, but it is what it is for now. For a long time I was always living someone's else life, so it is a learning process to get back to my own self.
Well, like everything in life, changes are not easy and time is the medicine for all things.
Saw XH yesterday on my driveway, he was dropping off the boys. I said Hi, smiled and he was looking very, very tired. He asked if I was OK, and I said yes and comment that he looks tired. He said that he was really tired, but had fun with the boys. I said well, I better go, and said good night.
Later the boys said that he asked to hang with them on Saturday. It is not in his schedule, but I really don't care because my boys are all big teenagers and if they want to be with their dad, then it is up to them. I am just seeing this change lately, that more and more he wants to spend time with them, and invite himself to the house.
Oh well, again as Job said, no expectations. Besides, I have a lot to do on Saturday. I will be busy and in and out of the house the whole day.
Thank you so much Job, I know you are right. I still have a hard time dealing with my pain. It is now buried inside, but I know it is still there. I wish so much that both of us could see some light and make our family whole again. This is a very big wound inside my heart... but the only thing I can do is to face reality.
