And what have you learned about YOU being selfish? Do you think you really are selfish OR do you feel that maybe you are assuming that you are because W said so?
I've learned that I am not really a selfish person and that I need to do things for myself. I've had selfish moments in my relationship but we've all done selfish things from time to time. My IC and I talked about how I have hobbies and things outside of my marriage and my W doesn't have those. So when I go out and do my hobbies she would often feel jealous and like I was neglecting her and that I was being selfish. It's not really me being selfish it's more my W being dependent on me for her happiness. If I take 4 or 5 hours on a Saturday for myself to do something I enjoy doing it's not being selfish. It's more my W's problem that she doesn't take that time for herself and I should not feel bad that I do take the time for myself.
I do not like when people call doing things for themselves "selfish" It's not in the context in which we understand the work. It's called self-care. Selfish is when we do what we want, when we want, even if it has a very negative consequence. That's my definition anyways.
You cannot serve from an empty vessel (quoted by someone famous and important many times, and I can't recall who)
My ex and I did almost everything together. Actually, until he was cheating on me, I can't even remember not going to bed at the same time (I did work night shift, so he did get to go to bed without me 3 nights a week). It wasn't me making him, or him making me, it just happened that we did almost everything together. I realize that was pretty unhealthy. because it was mostly me doing things he enjoyed, and with his friends. It's great to have outside interests and things personal to you as long as you balance it with time spent with your spouse. I swear, I learned so much from my bad M and just being alone about how to be healthy in an R. I've really taken the time to step back and observe other couples.
Anywho, I digress. I think you are correct in your assessment. Self care is important and healthy. Relying on your spouse for all happiness is NOT healthy.
