I stayed in that hot room because for me (without infidelity) there is never a reason for elective death of a family. To me that was more important then anything and I always thought it would be possible to change things. My husband was my family, and I never once thought of "disowning" him, just like I never would do that to a family member.
I come from a very close family. No one in my family (extended included) has been divorced. It is accepted and the norm that things aren't perfect, especially after small kids but you get through it. For me divorce is not the norm and the idea of it is really disturbing and hurts a lot.
I complained a lot while in that hot room though because I was so unhappy. I think my husband interpreted my complaints as personal criticisms instead of ways to communicate and make things better (which was always my intention). He in response withdrew and did not communicate anything to me, which made me "complain" even more. This went on for years. In the end he was really really cruel. I will never forgive him for the way he left.
I don't like the cold room. I like the hot despite the discomfort because I like family and stability over independence and temporary romantic feelings. So yeah, my goal is to meet someone to have a family unit with. And yes I recognize how difficult that will be when it's hard to predict.
