Trying to stay busy, especially in my head. I've been reading a lot. Talking to lots of different people. Spending time with people who I've kind of fallen out of contact with. I've tried writing in a journal, but I'm not sure that's been productive. Sometimes it kind of stirs up some emotions that I thought had passed.
Trying to stay busy, especially in my head. I've been reading a lot. Talking to lots of different people. Spending time with people who I've kind of fallen out of contact with.
These sound like a good start!
How about some NEW things? Any new hobbies you are trying? Any new people you are meeting?
Originally Posted By: Sad_Dad
I've tried writing in a journal, but I'm not sure that's been productive. Sometimes it kind of stirs up some emotions that I thought had passed.
Interesting that you calling "stirring things up" to be not productive. I would think it might be helpful in moving forward? But just a thought.
I had six sessions with a DB coach and he had me do several 180s. One example I can think of is when my wife wanted to discuss our pending divorce with my sons. I was doing everything possible to resist discussing the divorce with my sons because I didn't want a divorce and I certainly didn't want to talk to my sons about it. The coach told me to get on the internet and look for articles that provided information on how to talk to children about divorce and then send the links to the articles to my wife.
In the example above, I was pursuing and trying to prevent my wife from moving toward her goal of getting a divorce. The coach was getting me to do the opposite of what I was doing (a 180) and help my wife toward her goal of talking to the boys about divorce by providing information about how to do that. That's sends the signal to my wife that I'm on board with her plans (i.e. distancing behavior).
No new people yet unless you count my therapist and my lawyer. I guess my new hobby would be reading. I've NEVER enjoyed reading, but now I'm looking for something new to read as soon as I finish a book.
You should set goals to keep you on track. In terms of your physical health, I know you said you lost weight and such, but are you committed to a regimen? How do you "look"? Your W has to SEE you as a new person. Of course that's all up to you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I think I look good. People who know me but haven't seen me for a while tell me I look good. My wife even told me I look good. My daughter's trying to help me be more "in style" so I guess that's good.
Guys having a hard time at the moment. WW called our daughter this afternoon. Told her she was going to look at a small house on a farm to rent. She can't afford her rent now. The ONLY way shell be able to do this is with another "room mate" I have a feeling that she and Ding Dong (BF) are going to move in together. Saturday when I was getting her text conversations on my phone she sent him pics of wedding rings. Is this possible? Supposedly she's only been talking to thus guy for about 7 weeks. Somebody please give me some encouragement.
Sorry to hear that. You can never predict what the WAS will do. Especially when they're in limerence. Keep the concentration on you. Right now you can't control what your W does and this might make the A flame out faster. It's one thing to have the excitement of having a relationship in secret, it's another to have to be together 24/7. Just keep the focus on you and your kids. Praying for you man.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Guys having a hard time at the moment. WW called our daughter this afternoon. Told her she was going to look at a small house on a farm to rent. She can't afford her rent now. The ONLY way shell be able to do this is with another "room mate" I have a feeling that she and Ding Dong (BF) are going to move in together. Saturday when I was getting her text conversations on my phone she sent him pics of wedding rings. Is this possible? Supposedly she's only been talking to thus guy for about 7 weeks. Somebody please give me some encouragement.
If this is all true then you honestly need to detach and move on from this crazy woman. She'll only make you miserable. Seriously. Are you sure you want to save this marriage? You need to detach and do your own GAL stuff.
