Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[mulesqb]

I've seen several LBSs say they've felt ganged up on in MC. I get it now. I did feel ganged up on at times, as the MC let my wife really go on, and she unloaded. It was hard to hear, but, honestly, my W plays things so closely to the vest when it comes to this stuff, that it was literally the first time I've ever heard her entire perspective, laid out in a linear fashion, as to how she started to struggle with the R, what she did to try to cope, how she eventually gave up, etc. In her communications with me, it's always been bits and pieces and shards, which has been frustrating. I realized that the MC correctly deduced it's my W that is thinking she wants out, so I think there was a method to the ganged up dynamic -- get W talking freely, get her to feel like she can talk, be heard, be safe, etc., because she knows I'm there wanting it to succeed and am already bought in, and W is the one on the fence. In other words, the LBS can "take" the airing of grievances better than the WAS, because of our respective dynamics.

Hi JRuss - I hope you don't mind me chiming in. Just wanted to congratulate you getting your WW into MC. Awesome stuff. I can totally relate to your emotions. I remember them well.

I just wanted to point out your part about the LBS taking the heat better. I think you are exactly right. Eventually MC will turn the tables (like a political debate everyone gets a fair shake). To me that is the key part. I can tell you the day that happened with my XW was the last day she showed up at MC. I know a couple of other people that were on the boards with me back in the day experienced the same thing.

Just wanted to prepare for you for that possibility. An old poster with me used to look at the sitch as football game. You always want to be prepared for the other team's defense or offense. You want to have a play ready that you haven't called before. So let this sink in. Think about the possibilities. Prepare. No matter what happens you can act as if that is exactly what you expected to happen. Make sense?

Start game planning. You can handle this.

Strength and Honor.

Mules