I guess I still have hope that she'll come around and change her mind.
What does this have to do with slowing down the divorce?
Originally Posted By: Sad_Dad
Also, she was originally going to try to hit me up for maintenance. I wanted my own lawyer to make sure I didn't get railroaded. I still have my kids to care for.
Im not arguing about that. This is a business transaction - you need to be looking out for #1. Nobody else will.
"Ok, so here's a question about doing the 180. Am I supposed to still act loving, be rude, or seem uncaring? Should I appear concerned about her situation at all?"
That's not what 180 means. It means that you reverse the bad behaviors that your spouse complained about and that need changing. For example, if you are overweight, then workout. If you constantly talk over your spouse, learn to listen.
You mentioned your overall health wasn't the greatest. What have you been doing to change that?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I've lost 40lbs. Been eating better. More active. She even told me herself that I listen and communicate better. Since I've lost weight my back is better. I'm not in "bad" health, my job's just taken a toll on my body, and honestly I haven't taken as good of care of myself as I should have.
One big recommendation I would say to you is to change your user name. Change it to something empowering and let it be a goal as to what you want to be. If you keep calling yourself "Sad Dad", that's going to be your mindset.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I had six sessions with a DB coach and he had me do several 180s. One example I can think of is when my wife wanted to discuss our pending divorce with my sons. I was doing everything possible to resist discussing the divorce with my sons because I didn't want a divorce and I certainly didn't want to talk to my sons about it. The coach told me to get on the internet and look for articles that provided information on how to talk to children about divorce and then send the links to the articles to my wife.
In the example above, I was pursuing and trying to prevent my wife from moving toward her goal of getting a divorce. The coach was getting me to do the opposite of what I was doing (a 180) and help my wife toward her goal of talking to the boys about divorce by providing information about how to do that. That's sends the signal to my wife that I'm on board with her plans (i.e. distancing behavior).
Yes, that explains it better. Thank you. From some of the other comments I've read I thought maybe it meant I was supposed to do the opposite of everything she wanted. Almost be spiteful.
No, I assure I'm reading everything. Some of the posts talking about doing 180s were more about actual interaction with WF. Yours was the only one that I recall mentioning my "bad habits". That's why I was confused. I thought I was missing something. I guess I was.
