Title to be determined later .....

[Sotto]

Hi Amy, I think you are doing really well FWIW in tough circumstances.

Brene Brown popped into my head (as she often does :)) reading your post above. You may find some of her writings and talks helpful perhaps?

Xx

[srt]

Hi AmyTx, I identify with everything you are saying and have done. The only was through this is through it, not round it, as we are constantly reminded.

If it is any consolation the message I try to think of when I get like this is the one where people say it would not matter what you had done, they were broken and this was going to happen.

All you can do is concentrate on yourself and try to improve you.

One day it will dawn upon him what he has done, and it is then that THEY will have to start doing the work instead of avoiding their shadow.

[AmyTx]

Thanks Sotto: I just looked up on Hoopla and they have several Brene Brown books. Just downloaded the audio for Daring Greatly. Thank you for the tip.

Hey Srt: I understand that I need to go through this and he needs to go through this. I just can't see how to go through this. I am trying to detach and I know I have to to let him find his own path.

What scares me -- is that our paths may never rejoin. BUT -- I guess that is part of life and part of us having our own free will. What is sad is that I see him becoming his father. He was a lonely man, who never found happiness after leaving his family. He floated from woman to woman until he died in January. My H -- even though having the worst childhood, was a loving and caring man. He loved our daughter and was devoted to her. Just makes me sad for him and for us .... I truly hope we survive, grow, and become better.

[FightOn]

Hi Amy. I struggle with the same questions. I haven't found the answers yet. I am starting to think they can only be answered with time and distance.

[AmyTx]

Hi Amy. I struggle with the same questions. I haven't found the answers yet. I am starting to think they can only be answered with time and distance.

Yes .. time is our friend. I am sorry that you are going through this as well. Its a shame .. I would not wish this on anyone.

I truly appreciate reading what all the vets and those that have gone before us post. It is wise advice -- it's just hard to take. I wish I had something to numb the pain -- but I know that if I did, I would just have to relive it again in the future.

I am trying to learn that both my H and I have choices. The choices we make, the way we handle this crisis, will hopefully lead us back together. The more I read the more I realize the marriage we once had is gone. If we do reunite -- it will be a new marriage because hopefully we both have grown. I read this over and over again -- trying to have faith and hope. Also knowing the longer I try to hold onto him -- the longer it will take. I must let go because I cannot fix this.

However, it being so recent and so fresh -- I am still weeping over the marriage I just lost. I want to fix it .. UGH ..

[AmyTx]

Well .. just got an email from my H. He wants to finish splitting everything this week, he is going to file, and he is ready to update his Facebook. Guess he is done being confused.

[MrBond]

Just because he does all that doesn't mean that he's not confused. Try not to mind read.

[AmyTx]

MrBond:

Very true -- because if I was a mind reader I might have seen this coming.

I love the way he posts that he is filing and the very next sentence is about updating his Facebook. I should just be glad he alerted me first. It has all been surreal the last few months. I go from what I thought was happy marriage, him angry, him moving out, and now filing within 2 months of BD. And our 17th wedding anniversary is in 1 1/2 weeks.

[MrBond]

If it's too tough for you then unfriend him on FB. Purge him from your contacts.

[AmyTx]

sorry .. completely overwhelmed with the news I got today and my posts is a little rambling.

In his email, he stated he was filing and the next sentence was that he would be updating his marriage status on FB. We are no longer friends on FB bc I got tired of seeing him flirt with teens. I think he was just alerting me since we have many, many mutual friends.