Cherry. Filed, moving, spinning..

[Vanilla]

Cherry

I like Blu wave response and I agree with her. Surfer makes strong arguments too.

This wayward has sacked you as his W. This isn't confusion, this is about him not you. It's his ego pushing and pulling him and you.

I return to my image of the motorboat, he pulls you to the shore, then out to sea. Towards the rocks or a pretty bay? Your mood depends on each Inflection?

Be your own stability, detatch from his nonsense. Let go of the outcome.

Attach to you, work on you, hold on to you.

For the health of you and your babes, I strongly suggest you let go of the tow rope.

V

[Surfer]

Well said Vanilla.

Cherry. When it comes to confiding in anyone it is 100% best to make sure, if possible, that nothing can get back. Otherwise there is a need for S to make amends with the 3rd parties that hear. Can you guarantee this at work?

Surfer.

[Cherry]

V, I'm getting there. I promise that is truly what I am working towards right now. I've neither seen nor spoken to him for the last couple days, and I've been busy with lots of thing to need to sort out, working and being a single parent.

Surfer, there's only one person who really knows what's going on with me and wh, and she is a good friend of mine who I trust not to say anything, and she is fully just supporting me. And as for my bf- she is absolute family, I trust her with my life. The people at work who have said something to me are operating off gossip and referring to when they were friends of wh back when he had the first A. When they have said something to me, I have basically said that this is my life and would prefer not to be given their unsolicited advise. I've neither confirmed or denied, nor told them anything. I do not agree to indulge in gossip about anyone else, and I really don't appreciate gossip about myself. I also don't want to play the scourned woman/victim card. Part of the reason I haven't approached ow at work is because I don't want my laundry aired in work. Though I believe that works in their favour.

[PsySara]

One of the hardest but most pressing thing for me to accept was help from others. My DB even expressed frustration at my continuing need to do everything myself. He kept reminding me that I needed to recharge my batteries so I could be the best mom, doctor, Sara. Once I moved back to my home town I was able to actually do that and it's been a big part in my ability to endure.

[Vanilla]

Cherry

I understand the need for confidentiality.

That's not secrecy though. On a need to know basis some need to know.

You may find your life and your DB gets easier if you say to yourself and it is clear to your WH 'if asked I am not covering this up. I will disclose OW public if needed. You WH need to know that as does the scuzzy with open legs.'

I think you will find many others already know or guess and sometimes it's best to completely stop the rumor mill with the truth.

This doesn't mean I believe in outing to partners of OPs. I believe in defending yourself and your reputation. Always.

You are likely to find more support this way. It can be factual too. We have split, there is an OW. Who? It's scuzzy knickers.

Big hugs

V

[Cherry]

I have thought exactly those thoughts at time V. Partly because a bit of me feels like she needs to be named and shamed. I think that will add some pressure to the situation and make reality hit the pair of them!

The reasons I have towards telling people is just to completely avoid the daily conversations I have people regarding him, you know the usual when people find out your pregnant, they always ask you about what sex of baby your h wants etc. I also feel a little like I will be living a lie less.

I do agree with you regarding the protection of yourself and your rep. I don't want to have my name dragged through the mud because of these two fools! My direct manager knows, I am considering asking her to share with the people I closely work directly with so they can understand what is going on with me!

[Vanilla]

This is for you, not naming and shaming.

Naming and shaming may make you feel great momentarily. Won't cut it long term as it seems like vengeance.

I am saying honesty, being truthful, with the facts. You say nothing further.

Someone said to me today, "are you no longer with The Giggalo?"

My story is "I am no longer with the Giggalo, he is living in Italy with a Russian he met in a golf hotel and we are D. I am ok with it now"

"How are you? Brexit anyone?"


No explanations.

V

[Cherry]

V, very wise words. Me just spewing it out would make me look crazy, and that's me harbouring negative energy.

I like the straight to the point kinda thing. And you think I should name her? I think a good lot of people know things, I caught wind that someone had called her a "homwrecker" and she apparently furiously denied it. This was just one of those "oh okay, I don't really know what's going on". And I left it at that. I was busy, I've said before I don't have time for the gossip. The fact is that NONE of this has come from me. And if those two are being talked about, not my problem. I hold my head up, I smile, I enjoy a laugh with people.

I haven't seen him in a few days so this has allowed me to regain my calm. I have been reading and rereading and rereading again on the LRT. Made goals for myself, I've sharpened them up. Bd I'm really getting into my mind that I need to do more things for me, fill my calendar, keep busy. Anything it takes to snap me out of the thinking about him, her, his actions.

I'm very much aware that I need need NEED to get it together and quick. I feel I'm getting somewhere, I've even kept a social life in work and took people up on the offer to go catch a coffee break, and go out for my lunch hour with friends and have a laugh, rather than lock myself away in my office or work through my lunch break.

[Surfer]

Nobody else's business. If WH and OW are spreading gossip let them. Hold your head high. Don't enter into it. It's a way of dragging you into a drama. School girl stuff.

Nah. You're better than that.

Surfer.

[Vanilla]

My thoughts are this is part of your life story. Once you incorporate this into your story in a way that is honest and straightforward I believe it will no longer be anything but part of your story. Hurtfull but no longer hidden. Would I name her, yes, they already know anyway.

For WH this is his second A.

You have zero to be ashamed or frightened of. Head up, straight talk withouto embellishment.

Need to know and factual. The truth will set you free.

Cherry I can not tell you how ashamed I felt, how hurt, disgusted and cringing it was.

Now, I just say it as it is, the truth with names if need be. The Giggalo is the dirty dog.

I was once M to a philanderer with multiple OW and now I am free.

It is part of my story. Who is the fool? Me or The Giggalo?

V