[BrightFuture]

Update… hopefully short… Apparently H didn’t receive my text last night (as I found out later.) I texted him this morning and asked about my text and he said that he didn’t get it. I asked if still wanted to come over to pick up his mail. He said yes, that he was in a hurry and could come over in 10 min.

So, he came… He drove his car… I didn’t see anybody in there, but I’m pretty sure someone is going to take it back to the vacation home for him. I had a cleaning lady in the house and she removed all the rugs from the floor. H asked if it was ok for him to come in in his shoes, and I said yes, the floor was not mopped yet.

Here are some observations:
- He went straight to the kitchen and to the table, looking for his mail. I guess he still remembers where I collect his mail (in a basket on the kitchen table)
- He was wearing his usual work shoes (pre BD), and not the flip-flops that he switched to about the time of BD
- He petted the dog
- He felt a bit uncomfortable
- He was in a hurry (like he said he would be), so there was no conversation
- He thanked me for the mail
- He could have chosen not to come for the mail and ask me to mail it to him, but he came to the house
- He did ask about the absentee ballot (which has not arrived yet).

Me:
- I didn’t even take a good look at him, except for noticing the shoes (I guess this is what universe wanted me to see, hehe)
- I didn’t feel any anxiety when he came
- But, I did feel like I was drained after he left… I felt disappointed… I guess I had some expectations… These pesky expectations… And I cannot even tell what exactly these expectations were… Any movement one way or another???


I guess I asked this question many times before, but I’m still not sure I understand it all the way. It’s been 4 years since BD and probably 6 years since H’s MLC started. Sometimes I see that there is some progress in terms of moving to the next stage… And sometimes it is just feels like it starts all over again. He was starting to get closer to his family and my son… And now, being in town this time, he didn’t even contact my son (I know that for sure because my son came for dinner tonight and I asked him if he’s heard from H and he said no.)

The good thing is that I was able to recover from all these feelings pretty nicely. I worked from home today, I took a little nap in the afternoon, and the guy came to fix my garage door, so it is working again!