I haven't got much to report apart from the fact that it has been a couple of days since I thought about H. Even when thoughts popped up, so far I don't feel sad like I used to be. I guess I have now truly accepted that it's over.
Life in my house is so much less stressful as a heavy weight has been lifted up my shoulders! Contact with H is very minimal and at times I see myself smiling that maybe all this happened for a reason and that I wish him and OW happiness. Still can't believe how much I have accomplished since I joined here. I thought my life would be over, on the contrary.
H told me that he'd throw a party for youngest kid, but that didn't happen! H said he'd buy a present for her birthday (that either didn't happen)! Kids told me they would spend weekend with their step sister, this too didn't happen. I'm sad for my kids as on paper their dad seems to have great ideas but unfortunately actions don't follow! I have decided not to tell anything to my kids as I don't want them to have expectations, and have their little heart crushed! Since I found out about OW two weeks ago, girls haven't been in contact with her. I find it funny as I guess H doesn't want to have to answer awkward questions about OW!
On a more positive note, my GAL is great! I went dancing last week till the early hours of the morning and I felt free of worries, felt alive again but mostly I felt in love with myself! I'm definitively seing the light at the end of the tunnel.
On a more positive note, my GAL is great! I went dancing last week till the early hours of the morning and I felt free of worries, felt alive again but mostly I felt in love with myself! I'm definitively seing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my Rouky, this is my favorite thing I've ever seen you write. I am super stoked for you!
Can't wait to read more of this budding love story!!!!
Rouky, I'm pleased to read that my lovely! Yes, dancing is great fun and after all we have experienced, it is a lovely thing to have an evening of fun...
We do cycle back and forth, but I think as long as the general trend is forwards, that's great - and I certainly feel that is the case for you.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Rouky, Falling in love is the greatest feeling. Falling in love with yourself is something beyond that; it should be what we all are aiming for. After all, it signals that you have found out you are worthy of love and have met your own standards. So now you get to treat yourself as a new love. How will you date and spend time with Rouky to impress her and show this love? I think that's what GAL really is all about. So congrats! You are doing very well!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Well I'm well on recovery road. I got a bit upset today as my kids kept talking about OW and their dad. Is daddy going to marry her? Are we going to have a step- brother? Ect...
It was hard not to be nasty about their dad and OW, and at times I tried to explain why they can't get married (because I'm still married to him)! It also hurts when they say that they like her, that she has left some clothes at H's house or that he is always on the phone with her.
I'm hurt because he is showing her a lot more of attention than he ever did with me. I remember Job telling me that a leopard doesn't change his spots, but what if he has and she is the love of his life!
The good thing is I didn't dwell too much on it and carried on with my evening. I went on a date, but even if it was nice. There wasn't any sparks for that person. The good thing for me is that I didn't compare him to H, I went with no expectation but he wasn't for me. The other big thing I noticed was that I don't need a man, not sure yet if I'm in the stage of wanting one.
One thing for sure, I can honestly say that I have reached the point where I don't want to save my marriage, no matter what, I know that every time someone will talk about H and OW, it will always hurt me. I have to accept that unfortunately it will always hurt/ leave a sour taste because of how my marriage ended! I only wish H had done the right thing, and wouldn't have sought his happiness to the expense of my hurt.
I'm a good, kind, caring person. The real me is coming out, only wish at times H would have seen this before he changed the course of my life by his actions!
I do keep in faith that God has it all planed for me.
Yes that must be tough. You are doing well ....... IMO v well.early on in my situation you dropped by and helped me when I was struggling.I remember that and appreciated your perspective. I don't have much help to offer except my best wishes.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I feel like a new Rouky, and every day that comes I learn a bit more about life and my life. I'm feeling peaceful and I'm noticing how this whole journey is changing me. Just an example today, I was really unwell (still went to work) and finished a long day with a meeting with parents, but despite all that my kids and I went to the chippy, got back home and sat being relaxed. Usually I'd stressed out because they didn't go to bed before a certain time, but tonight with me being so unwell it didn't matter.
My quality of life with my kids has been so much better since they met OW! It's funny how this is affecting in a very positive way my interaction with them. I'm still at times a stress mummy, but not as much! I have a much more positive outlook on life.
It feels like I have fought depression by myself, and I'm waving good bye to it. I even noticed a smile on my face as I thought that H might have truly found happiness with OW! It was like a lovely smile, a kind of way of me saying to H that despite what he did he still deserves to be happy and if OW is what he wants then I have to accept it and wish him well.
Going dark is what I really needed to help me to heal. I still text H when it's about the kids but other than that I carry on with my life. At the moment I haven't set any goals as i take each day as it comes and I'm fine with it.
When I joined here I was desperate, had low self-esteem, thought my life would end, but a year on I have accepted that I have faults, that I contributed to the end of my marriage, I have beaten depression, I love myself and my body.
In another words Rouky's caterpillar has become a beautiful butterfly who is just starts to fly.
