Phase 2 contd.

[Pax_luv]

Thanks esame! You are right..... Not the safest of activities!

Ackkkk- h is on my mind a lot for a few reasons. Thought I would come here to vent for a bit.

First- my one year anniversary on this board is tomorrow! I started lurking in August 2015 and finally signed up. I was ready to reach out. It also happens to be my birthday. I felt like I really needed this place after I celebrated my first birthday without h in my life... He always made it special.

3 years ago on my 30th, my h threw me a massive surprise party. I had no idea and I never felt so loved in my whole life.

2 years ago on my 31st, it was the last time my h told me he loved me. It was also the last kiss we would ever have. The very next day, he told me "I wasn't kidding when I said what I said.... If we weren't pregnant in 2 months, there was no point in being married"

It killed me. Utterly killed me. This was really happening... He was making good on his ultimatum.

.....and last year was the first year without him. 4 days later on 10/16, he would tell me that he was dating. He needed to put himself out there because his friends weren't cutting it.

Here I am now. Life is good. Just missing my husband.... But at this point, it's more missing the "idea" of a husband.

I worked really hard at DBing this last year. I didn't do anything to make our situation worse, and yet I also wonder if I could have done something to make it better. I was so stringent on following the LRT, I wonder if I've missed anything or could have done something different. Sigh.

OK-back to now- the present moment- Today, h really irked me. Grrrrr. (This is all me, btw, just making stuff up). He texted to say "hey have a good birthday tomorrow. Just confirming xxxxxxx for dog."

here's why I'm irked-We've discussed these dog plans a minimum of 3 times. I'm going out of town and he knows exactly what I'm doing.

Why would he bring it up again? And why would he just throw the bday in there . Which by the way, is a lame happy bday wish. I would have preferred him not say anything. Why even bring up that he knows it's my bday?Seriously.... I'm waaaay overly nit-picking this.... But something is off about it and it bothers me! I don't want to over analyze a stupid "nothing" text, but I have. I haven't yet responded

Before that text, my team threw me an awesome surprise party. I am so appreciative of them! Sometimes I feel like I'm "the devil wears prada" boss to them because I work them really hard.... But I try to treat them well. I even meditate with them to help us all remain centered! Anyway, it was nice to be appreciated.

Haha- emotions all over the place today.

Ok... venting done. Thanks for reading.