Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 5

[PsySara]

Thanks friends!

I had a very short day at work today, I barely have any patients as the hurricane stopped all admissions but not discharges. I went grocery shopping, came home and took a nap, then went out to lunch with my cousin. It was like a mini vacation, fabulous. When I came home from lunch I then pulled in too close to the garage door and scrapped my brand.new.car. I felt sick. I texted pics of the damage to my WH. He called immediately and asked if I was okay. I told him I was fine but felt really stupid and guilty because I have a car for 2 months and do some bad damage to it. (not to mention WH paid a HUGE down payment on it) He told me he didn't care about that, he just wanted to make sure I was okay. He said he would take it to the body shop and get it repainted/repaired when he comes home next week.

I know it seems small but just his concern is a change in demeanor with him. When he was in the affair and still in the fog afterward he showed no kindness of empathy towards me. At point I admitted to suicidal ideation and he was cold and aloof at the time. He just asked me if he needed to take me to the hospital, he flew back to work that day.

My DB coach says that people in affairs are like alien pod people. It's not the person you married and they are not reasonable or logical. To view your betrayed loved one would mean to admit to the horrendous behavior they have committed. He assured me that eventually this changes and your spouse's personality is returned. So his concern and caring (not to mention putting value on my person over a car) shows he is being returned back to his body. WH even joked that he would just buy me a new car and exchange the scratched one. He was so kind and gentle, I think my husband is returning.

I still face my own demons. Thoughts of the OW intrude, thoughts of my WH's awful treatment of me during and immediately after the A still poke in multiple times a day. I work on being mindful of the here and now, I focus on the changes I see happening NOW and remind myself that the past cannot be changed but can be overcome. I look at my children and know no matter what, the are my biggest blessing.

I am still working on my goals:

1. Be kind, keep my voice soft when when angry.
2. It's ok to disagree but never ok to scream or treat another person with contempt
3. Focus on spending more time with my children in the evenings, keep the laptop closed until they are in bed.